Scars Horror Reviews

Splinter

2009-05-18T14:11:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008; Directed by Toby Williams Starring Shea Whigham, Paulo Costanzo, Jill Wagner and Rachel Kerbs Released by Magnet DVD.

Considering the pile of poop that is passed off for horror movies these days, this one was a real pleasure to watch. It’s a monster movie, a real fuckin monster movie with no CG rap or handicam nonsense. One location, four principle players, gore, shocks, and, for once, a credible storyline.

A gas station attendant is opening the place for the day when he is attacked by something furry and full of spikes. A couple is heading in that direction to camp out. Also headed in the same direction is an escaped con and his junkie girl friend. The two campers are taken hostage when the Con’s car breaks down. They run over some kind of animal and blow out a tire. The animal has spikes sticking out of it like one of those sea urchins. They was also a sign by the road saying that this is a government test area.

While changing the tire, the Con gets a splinter in his finger, hence the title. The “dead” animal comes to like and the Junkie Chic freaks out. They arrive at the gas station to find it’s deserted. The Junkie find the attendant in the rest room. He begs her to kill him. She runs back to the others, but is attacked by the attendant who “rips right through her”. The Con shoots the attendant who dies. They lock themselves in the place. The Junkie seems to still be alive. The Con drags her toward the door, but she morphs into something and attacks. Her hand breaks off and gets in the place. The boyfriend, who is a biologist, sees that it feeds on blood.

He thinks it’s a fungus type parasite that uses it victims as hosts to attack others. The dead girl’s bloody corpse hammers her head into the glass door, trying to get in. It becomes a nerve racking game of cat and mouse as the creature attacks and absorbs a lady cop who shows up. The splinter in the Con’s finger starts taking him over so an amputation is performed using a Stanley knife and a cinder block. I’m not going to reveal anything else as this has to be seen. A good plot, characters that you actually care about for a change, nasty effects, and overall, a great little film. I give it four stars easily.

Taken

2009-05-18T14:09:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

Directed by Pierre Morel Starring Liam Neeson, Famke Janssen and Maggie Grace

This one was a real surprise as the usually reserved Neeson is cast against type as an ex CIA operative searching for his daughter, who is kidnapped by white slavers while vacationing in Europe. Using every dirty trick he knows to locate her, Neeson ups the violence quota by demolishing anything and anyone in his path.

Albanian white slavers( real fuckin scumbags ) kidnap teenage tourists, hook them on drugs and put them in assembly line brothels. Neeson’s daughter and friend are “taken”. Neeson is informed that if he can’t find her in a certain amount of time, he will never see her again. Neeson outwits the law and the scumbags at every turn. Seems the head scumbags are well connected with the law. When the leader tells Neeson, that “it’s not personal, it’s business”, Neeson retorts by emptying a Glock into his twitching body.

Taken has its roots firmly planted in grindhouse exploitation. The crowd cheered Neeson as he cuts his way though an army of villains and bureaucrats. One of the better scenes has Neeson drive two iron spikes through the guy, who kidnapped his daughter, thighs and then attach jumper cables to them. He zaps him a few time then, after he gets what he wants, turns the juice on full blast and leaves the guy cooking. Neeson is a one man wrecking crew as he leaves a body count worthy of Charles Bronson. A must see.

Batbabe: the Dark Nightie

2009-05-18T14:08:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

Completely insane spoof of Batman, the Dark Night with Darian Caine as Batbabe. The Jerker, Rob Mandara, channeling Heath Ledger is completely insane as he’s hording all the porn in the city. It’s up to Batbabe to stop him. Someone on IMDB called this a “piece of excrement”, guess you can’t say shit on IMDB. Well, I’m here to tell ya that I thought it was funny. And I cameo in four roles, so whoever wrote that has no sense of humor and I get the distinct impression that he rubbed one out over Darian Caine.

Funny how these would be critics that write a blurb for Amazon or IMDB think they are the end all be all. It’s a spoof, stupid. This guy also trashed three or four other films by Bacchus. So this isn’t exactly Gone With the Wind, but Mandara’s Jerker had me laughing my ass off. This is a case of don’t believe everything you read. My attitude always has been see the film and judge it for yourself. Don’t take my word or any other critic’s word at face value because it’s just an opinion and opinions are like assholes, we all have them.

DVD Review: Dark Shadows Bloopers

2009-05-07T17:41:00.000-07:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

My father and uncle cringed when hoisting my heaviest trunk up my new condo’s steps, and my husband was downright appalled when he asked what was inside.

“My Dark Shadows tapes,” I told him.

All 42 taped off TV with their scribbled labels-some even with commercials! My mother was a fan growing up, so I saw reruns now and again as a child and spent most of my teen years thanking the Sci Fi Channel for airing the entire gothic soap series from beginning to end. My obsessions come and go, so I’ve never upgraded to MPI’s VHS series or the new DVD releases of Dan Curtis’ half hour daytime soap, which ran from 1966 to 1971. Every October, however, I get a hankering for Barnabas, Quentin, and that creepy theme music. Thus I rented Dark Shadows: Bloopers and Treasures.

Perhaps one of the most well known-if not THE most- known show ever for hokey production values, Dark Shadows episodes were taped live, with no time to correct mistakes, much less budget and technology of the day. Some of the bloopers presented are almost famous; the late Louis Edmunds as Roger Collins claiming, “Some of my incestors-incestors!-my ancestors are buried here.” There’s falling sets, name flubs, and just as many trick candles, cameramen, and boom mikes as there are cast members. Although some of the editing is poor, and a few of the mistakes presented are actually tough to spot. It would have been nice to have the segments divided and labeled or introduced by the cast. There’s no background music, but it’s neat that the goofs seemed to be grouped together by actor. Who’s the biggest culprit? I can’t tell you!

The music video segment opens and closes with some creepy highlight reels and poetry from Jonathan Frid as Barnabas Collins, but of course we have nearly all the musical segments from the show. Both incarnations of Pansy Faye and ‘I Wanna Dance For You’; Quentin’s theme and the lyrics to ‘Shadows of the Night’; even a very young Nancy Barrett grooving it up at The Blue Whale.

This compilation dates to 1991 and 1992, but Lara Parker looks quite old in her newer In Salem segment. The witch history, locations, and guests are very interesting and go hand in hand with Dark Shadows’ resident witch-who’s also pushing a new DS novel. Unfortunately, the sound and editing is poor and tough to hear.

At least there’s great fun to be had in the game show segment, although I’d never heard of The Generation Gap. (The clothes! The Hair!) Jonathan Frid’s heartthrob cheers from What’s My Line and Alex Stevens’ removal of his wolfman mask on the same show is a delight. Joan Bennett needed no introduction on Line, and it’s sad her prolific work is not known to today’s audiences. Yet it’s amazing that there’s still treats like this to be discovered from almost a fifty year old show.

The promos segment is a little misleading, however. This is Dark Shadows Bloopers after all, so the promos-which were promoting MPI video, conventions, and Dark Shadows books- are instead a reel of slip ups with Kathryn Leigh Scott, Lara Parker, and Jonathan Frid. Comedy Tonight turns the tables and presents Dark Shadows inquisitor Jerry Lacy as a vampire, and there’s even a commercial for Barnabas pillows. Alrighty then! There’s a separate section devoted to merchandise as well, including books by David Selby, and a very creepy trailer for the Dark Shadows audio dramas.

I was surprised to find this DVD widely available, although my VHS Dark Shadows Scariest Moments is just that, a VHS only. The menus and music are fun and user friendly, I like the jazzed up rendition of Quentin’s theme. Dark Shadows: Bloopers and Treasures is a must for fans young and old, but I don’t know its caliber as an introduction piece. Young folks might laugh and tune in or laugh and tune out. There’s plenty of DS material to be had for all: DVDs, books, even mouse pads from darkshadowsdvd.com. For some spooky fun, try Dark Shadows: Bloopers and Treasures one October night.

DVD Review: Cursed

2009-04-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

As if we needed another werewolf movie, Wes Craven’s 2005 wolf fest Cursed came and went at the box office. Plagued by actor pullouts, production problems, and script changes, the unrated edition of Cursed actually wasn’t that bad.

Christina Ricci stars as Ellie, a Craig Kilborn executive who’s trying to balance work, her younger brother Jimmy (Jesse Eisenberg) and her on again off again flame Jake (Joshua Jackson). After a grotesque car accident and strange encounter with a dog like beast, the orphaned siblings develop super strength, keen senses, and an allergy to silver.

The acting isn’t that bad, but it’s to be expected, and nothing here will take home any Oscars. Cheesecake victims Shannon Elizabeth and Mya are fitting scream queens, and Judy Greer (Jawbreaker) is perfect as Ellie’s bitchy boss. Only Joshua Jackson seems out of place. I’ve never seen Dawson’s Creek, and Jackson’s good guy turn in Gossip only solidified my Mighty Ducks perceptions. His ambiguous portrayal of reformed entrepreneur playboy Jake does help the films werewolf guessing game. Is he a werewolf? Good? Bad? I only wish Jackson wasn’t so wooden or hokey.

Christina Ricci has had far better success moving forward from kid roles. After Mermaids and Addams Family Values, Ricci turned to mature films like Prozac Nation and has developed a cult following with macabre films like Sleepy Hollow. Even though she always seems to be playing the same character, Ricci sells Ellie well, it’s not a stretch to believe her as the serious, intelligent executive who turns sexy, sassy, and spunky with here werewolf problems and powers. Ricci and Eisenberg look like brother and sister, and they play off each other well. Director Craven smartly focuses the film on the siblings and establishes their troubles early on. Craven balances the seriousness and humor here well. Craig Kilborn does make his appearance, but a sway towards total humor would make Cursed too hokey.

Craven has lost a step with some uneven Nightmare on Elm Street sequels, but the behind the cameras renaissance man has produced several quiet gems, including the remake of his own The Hills Have Eyes. With all the trouble Cursed faced, Craven and final screenwriter Kevin Williamson have accomplished much. I’m operating from the unrated version, which seems to have more head chopping and a few extra moments of gore. The opening car wreck is impressive, and Craven smartly delays the werewolf’s big reveal until well into the film. Some directors become successful and forget their fans or underestimate their audiences. Not here. Craven appreciates his fans, even pays homage to his past with props from his earlier work decorating Cursed’s horror themed nightclub.

One very pleasant aspect of Cursed is the ending. Even though it didn’t fair well at the box office, Craven left no room for a sequel. Ellie’s story and the werewolf mysteries are resolved nice and pretty. We like Ellie and Jimmy-we’ve rooted for them, but I for one am glad there is a complete ending. No jump out monster or screaming before the fade to black ala I Know What You Did Last Summer. It’s quite refreshing in this day of franchises.

The unrated DVD of Cursed is now quite affordable. Naturally it has the standard behind the scenes material and features from Craven. I wouldn’t have paid the price of admission at the movies, but Cursed is ideal for a chilly Halloween movie night.

DVD Review: Candyman

2009-03-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

I picked up a used copy of 1992’s Candyman for my husband’s horror collection. Even though he hadn’t seen it, I was certain it was right up his alley. Indeed Candyman hasn’t lost its touch. Pre Urban Legends and Tales From the Hood, Candyman is still the film for urban horror.

Virginia Madsen (Sideways) stars as Helen, a Professor’s wife working on her own thesis. Her sleazy husband Trevor (Xander Berkley) belittles Helen’s research, so she sets out on her own to investigate Chicago’s own urban legend, Candyman. While photographing in the projects, Candyman (Tony Todd) appears to Helen. Her visions continue and gruesome murders follow Helen. Soon the authorities suspect Helen, and Trevor thinks she’s crazy.

I can list plenty of other projects with both Virginia Madsen and Tony Todd, but for me, their definitive film is Candyman. Madsen’s ideal as the intelligent, determined yet oblivious wife obsessed with Candyman. Likewise Tony Todd is at his utmost creepy and somehow alluring as the unjustly tormented former slave. Madsen’s Oscar nominated turn in Sideways is nowhere near as memorable as her role here. Her initial calling of Candyman in her bathroom mirror and her final triumphant scenes are cult gold.

After I first saw Candyman, for years I had dreams in which the fur clad and hook toting menace appeared. Todd’s trademark role and deep voice are that creepy, and like Bloody Mary, every kid has called Candyman five times in his bathroom mirror. Fans of gore and creative, bloody murders will no doubt enjoy Candyman. What little effects given are along the lines of fire, blood, and more blood. The violence, however, is not excessive. Integral to the story, many of the spooks in the film are carried out largely by the actors. Helen trips in the dark, dirty, messy projects we know it’s a place where real and fictious horrors can happen. When Helen enters a rank and bloody bathroom-is crap everywhere? Of course not. The audience, however, knows the smells through Madsen’s reaction and the director Bernard Rose’s swift pans.

One intriguing concept from Rose is the lack of those herky jerky Blair Witch style cuts and crazies. The scene of the crime is always fully panned, giving the audience a panoramic view. It’s almost like a three dimensional video game pulling the viewer in. Likewise, Rose moves the camera shots up and away, as if we were swooning like the characters onscreen. The camera work and gore doesn’t take away from Candyman like so many modern films that over do it and deter from the story with unrealistic effects. Clive Barker’s source story is allowed to shine.

Rose also makes use of some very beautiful and haunting urban artwork. Candyman graffiti appears throughout the film. Bees also play a significant part in the film, and this subtle attention to detail makes Candyman work. The families in the projects fear the legend of Candyman and the hooligans who commit crimes in his name-and the audience feels this fear. Like it or not, the racial statements in Candyman help the fear factor. Within the film, folks gasp at the thought of a white woman in the projects. When Helen is indeed attacked, through our collective mind we plant the seed for what the gangs, gang bangers, and hooks will do. Candyman isn’t real, but this film of racial violence and black legends fills the void left by the mainstream media and run of the mill horror standards.

Despite a very satisfactory ending, two sequels followed Candyman. Both 1996’s Candyman II: Farewell to the Flesh and Candyman III: Day of the Dead (1999) are worthy for fans who still can’t look in their bathroom mirrors. Lessened by the loss of Madsen, and direct to video styles for film three, The Candyman chills have continued into the 21st Century.

Candyman is for any fan of the macabre, but particularly those horror buffs tired of the formulaic scare. Intelligent fans, underground enthusiasts, minority audiences-who doesn’t Candyman appeal to? No matter how artistically displayed, the buckets of blood, a touch of nudity and sexual innuendo aren’t made for the young kids or squeamish prudes. Also be warned that Candyman features several brief scenes victimizing children and dogs. Several editions of Candyman and its sequels are available on DVD at affordable prices, or even a bargain VHS. But do avoid Candyman cut up on television. If you’ve got a fur coat and a hook, Candyman is your perfect urban horror movie and it’s great Halloween costume.

DVD Review: Last House on the Beach

2009-03-24T16:29:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

1978 from Severin Films. Directed by Franco Prosperi. Starring Ray Lovelock, Florinda Bolkan, Sherry Buchanan, & Laura Trotter. Last House on the Left rippoff by the director of Mondo Cane. Real high on the cringe factor as three scumbags rob a bank, then hide out at a beach front house where a nun and five school girls are staying. One of crooks caves in the maids skull with an iron. Another of the guys tries to rape one of the girls and gets the business end of a rat tailed comb shoved into his groin.

The threesome torment and rape the girls. First the nun is raped. Then, one of the guys puts on make up and he and the guy who got stabbed double team one of the girls. The nun makes a deal with Aldo, the head douchebag. She’ll fix up the guy who got stabbed if they leave the girls alone. He agrees, but when one of the girls tries to escape, she is raped with a tree branch and left dead on the floor. Finally the nun gets the upper hand and she and the girls extract bloody revenge.

Florinda Bolkan is great in the lead as the nun. Lovelock is a convincing sadist and you despise him and his gang. An extra is an interview with Ray Lovelock, who is actually Italian. Franco Prosperi was one of the guys who created the phenomenon known as the “Mondo” movie. Mondo Cane, Africa Addido, and Farewell Uncle Tom are all part of his resume. Last House on the Beach was part of a slew of Italian ripoffs inspired by the granddaddy of sick flicks, Last House on the Left and each one was progressively grimmer than the original. The print is great and other extras include the German & Italian trailers.

DVD Review: Devil Hunter

2009-03-24T16:24:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

1980 from Severin Films. Directed by Jess Franco. Great print, but it's 89 minutes that seems like four hours. This film has all the low budget Franco charm: out of sync dubbing, cheezy gore, ample nudity, racism, & really bad acting. This film was on VHS, courtesy of the defunct Transworld as Mandingo Manhunter.

Shot on some island, or the Newark Botanical Gardens, we see an actress get kidnapped, interspersed with footage of natives sacrificing a girl to a huge , naked black guy, with bulging, bloodshot eyes. The actress is drugged & kidnapped for a 6 million dollar ransom. The black chic has her innards ripped out.

Peter( Al Cliver) is called in to deliver the ransom. The three kidnappers are like the 3 Stooges, actually the Stooges would be smarter than this band of jerk offs. One guy bitches that the “foliage” is creeping him out. Then why did you pick a jungle island? The actress, Ursula Fellner, is a willowy blonde that is half naked and chained up. She is abused through the entire film, just like she was in Sadomania. She is raped, standing up, by the lead bad guy, who’s gun is hanging between his legs during the rape. How phallic.

The natives, who look like they just left an 80’s disco, pray to a bulging eyed idol that looks like a Weirdo Model by Ed "Big daddy" Roth. Now there’s a dated reference. They point out that their jungle has been invaded by white folk. This riles up the big guy, who goes in search of the intruders. One is decapitated. In the close up of his “severed head” his neck has a pulse and his tongue is moving. The “blood” looks like a mixture of red food dye & honey. Blood is supposed to flow like water, not ooze like snot.

Peter arranges a swap, the money for the girl. This goes badly as a shoot out starts and one of the crook’s blonde girlfriend gets shot in the leg. The helicopter is about to explode. No smoke trail or anything. Now you see it, then there is a explosion. The actress has now been captured by the cannibals. Peter finds the kidnappers camp and the wounded woman. He chains her up, but she gets free and is killed by the big guy. After all of the minor characters are wiped out, Peter faces the big guy, who now has the actress, in a fight to the death on a cliff.

Not exactly a career highlight for Al Cliver as he fights a big, naked black guys, who junk seems to fill the camera in some scenes. Too many close ups of a big black dick & yam bag. This was the “restored” footage? Shoulda stayed lost if you ask me. The big guy gets tossed off the cliff, Al gets the girl and the natives trash the idol. End of story.

This film is best viewed with a bunch of friends, lots of liquor, and a bong. The only saving grace is the hot chics. Even the rape scene is boring. For Franco completests and insomniacs only. Extras are a new interview with Franco.

DVD Review: Quarantine

2009-03-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

First off, I hadn’t seen a film that sucked this bad in years. Here we have another shitty, palmcorded Clover Field clone that is a darkly shot, incoherent mess. You have to be a really crappy film maker to rely on this format, proving that anyone who got that $119.95 special from Best Buy is now a ‘Film Maker”.

This steaming pile of dog shit follow two news people following two paramedics. The woman of the team and “star” of the film, Jennifer Carpenter, is just a whiny, chickenshit bitch that you want to see die early on, but keeping this film mired down seems to be the key as she is around until the bitter end. A call to a run down apartment house has the team, including two cops, trapped in the building as the Government seals it up.

I’ll spare you the first hour of darkly lit, shaky palm corder bullshit and cut to the chase: Some bio terrorist is living there and has created a mutant strain of rabies. At this point I will refer my readers to Rabid 1977 and I Drink Your Blood 1971 which dealt with rabies and you could actually see what the hell was going on. You don’t identify with the characters, mainly because you can’t really see them and no one stands out. Everybody dies and everybody connected with this film should die also. People say that this could be the best horror film this year. If you expectations are that low, it probably is. The two big remakes, Friday the 13th, & Last House on the Left reportedly sucked, next up is the Elm Street & Halloween II remakes which will also suck. So if this is the bright spot & the “best horror film this year” it may be time for me to re evaluate my love of the genre and stick to what I like, old school films, instead of this idiotic, copycat dreck. That picture of the girl on the box says it all. The expression on her face looks like she’s being ass raped and after one viewing, the viewer will probably feel the same way.

DVD Review: The Dark

2009-03-17T16:41:00.000-07:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

In recent years, this new chick flick styled horror has sprung up. The Grudge, The Ring, Darkness, and The Dark. This 2005 British production adds a few new twists to the genre, but doesn’t take the next step in standing out amid such similar films.

After separating from her artist husband James (Sean Bean), Adelle (Maria Bello) travels to Wales with daughter Sarah (Sophie Stuckey) for a visit. Things have been tough between the ladies, but the Welsh countryside seems good for the reuniting family. The area is full of mysterious buildings, cult legends, and lovely beaches and cliffs. Unfortunately, Sarah vanishes on the beach. While James and local handyman Dafydd (Maurice Roeves) lead a massive search, Adelle discovers a strange girl named Ebril (Abigail Stone) now living in their home.

Okay, so the chick flick horror genre really began with Jamie Lee Curtis and Halloween, but this recent trend of chick horror always has the same key pieces: An American woman in a foreign country with a child somehow involved in said horror. The Dark brings a nice twist with its Welsh mythology, but there isn’t much time invested in this notion. Two scenes of the staple ‘talking to the old person who was there’ and the standard ‘lost journal/internet/microfilm’ montage set the intrigue but doesn’t take what makes The Dark unique far enough.

Maria Bello (A History of Violence, ER) is finely cast as the not so perfect mother on a quest to find her missing daughter. She’s the right style; a bit edgy, off her rocker, yet hip, blonde rocker chick. Bello does fine, and it’s a strong role for what is odd to say an ‘older maternal’ part as compared to a teeny sexy chick part. The Dark, however, is not going to make Maria Bello a movie star anytime soon. Nothing ill against her, but everyone does the foreign low budget horror flick at some point. The Dark isn’t bad, just meh. Naomi Watts, Sarah Michelle Gellar, aren’t they all the same?

Likewise I am curious why Sean Bean (The Lord of the Rings) took two so similar parts within a year. Silent Hill and The Dark are very much the same vein, and Bean plays the searching, protective father in both. Odd that he has come down to independent horror features after such success with The Fellowship of the Ring. However, after seeing him in so many villainous roles, it is nice to see the softer side of Bean. (My husband kept suspecting he was someone involved in the evil!) Still, I can’t help but chuckle during his scenes with Sophie Stuckey and Abigail Stone. Do these little girls know who he is? Were they afraid of him? Don’t they say to never work with kids or dogs?

There is no question, however, about the lovely locations in The Dark. The stunningly beautiful yet violent and creepy cliffs and oceans onscreen add to the parental fear of the leads. My goodness how do British people really live so close to these cliffs without fearing their kids are going to plummet? This realistic filming adds to the creepiness of the abattoir. Based upon the novel Sheep by Simon Maginn, the animals are also a bit freaky; Herds of sheep surrounding folks, looking at people and baa-ing. The Dark shows promise with these foreign and weird touches, but it’s not enough.

I suppose the biggest question is this: Is The Dark scary? First viewing; maybe. Bean and Bello fans will tune in for sure, but those made to jump moments are now so commonplace that the spooks don’t work. Television Director John Fawcett’s (Xena, Queer as Folk, Taken) jagged abattoir flashbacks, cliff plummets, and otherworldly Annwn hell-like filming make great strides and look very cool, but don’t top what’s already been done onscreen.

Outside of a few f-bombs, I don’t see why The Dark is rated R. The child torture scenes are mild compared to other films, and the blood and gore isn’t heavy. Maybe European audiences prefer the parental struggles and life versus death debates, but us Americans want Blood! Gore! Sex! And we want it Now!

The Dark does nothing wrong, in fact its foreign and mature takes add to the film, not detract. The Dark is good. I’ve watched it several times, I’d watch it again, and I recommended The Dark to my horror loving husband. Too many similar films and not enough umph unfortunately give The Dark a feeling of déjà vu and familiarity instead of nail biting horror.

Although the dvd only offers one extra-an alternate ending that isn’t too shocking-if you’re looking for a bit of weird and creepy, The Dark is an affordable show without too much commitment.

DVD Review: Bram Stoker's Dracula

2009-03-11T13:26:00.000-07:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

You know the story I’m sure. Bela Lugosi, the widow’s peak, creatures of the night! Even Leslie Nielson’s spoof Dracula: Dead and Loving It shares those cliché vampire stereotypes. In a hundred years of films, only one Dracula film affirms to the spirit of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel. In 1991 director and producer Francis Ford Coppola threw out the widow’s peak and presented the ambitious Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

Gary Oldman (Batman Begins, Air Force One) stars as Dracula, the lovelorn count from Transylvania. After his first lawyer Renfield (Tom Waits) returns to England raving with madness, Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves) is dispatched to the Count. Dracula grows obsessed with Harker’s betrothed Mina (Winona Ryder, Beetlejuice), and after arriving in London, Dracula preys upon Mina’s friend Lucy Westerna (Sadie Frost, An Ideal Husband). Lucy’s suitors Lord Arthur (Cary Elwes), Quincy P. Morris (Billy Campbell) and Dr. Steward (Richard E. Grant) are helpless against her ailments. Suspecting something unnatural, Dr. Steward contacts his mentor, Abraham Van Helsing (Anthony Hopkins).

You’ll notice there’s a lot more characters than your garden variety Dracula picture. Coppola and screenwriter James V. Hart adhere as closely to Stoker’s novel as possible. Previous legal issues with the Stoker estate and stage productions forced dramatic changes and character combinations. Of the many actors, only Keanu Reeves seems out of place. Not far enough removed from Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Reeves’ Tiger Beat persona did however appeal to teenage girls not likely to chance a period piece.

Despite her previous issues with Coppola, Ryder holds her own with Oscar winner Sir Anthony Hopkins. Today’s actors don’t really look the part when making costume pictures. Hopkins, of course, fits in with perfection, as does The Princess Bride veteran Cary Elwes. I can go one about the entire cast-there is something to be said when an entire production clicks together; Fine direction, acting, story, and sets.

Naturally, Coppola had sound source material. If you don’t like Stoker’s gothic, yet erotic and horrific Victorian novel, this film version is not for you. Some lines and scenes are word for word out of the book, and Coppola pays homage to the writing styles of the book by actually showing the characters typing, dictating, or composing the letters that tell the story. Outside of the love story bookends created by Coppola, I don’t think any motion picture has ever been so faithful to its book or origin- except for staple productions of A Christmas Carol.

Bram Stoker’s Dracula has its fair share of blood- blood and sultry vampire brides. While the film is not in itself all that scary, the ideas presented are dangerous and somewhat frightening. Coppola captures Stoker’s original intentions in the character of Van Helsing. Hopkins strikes the perfect balance between kinky eccentric and fearsome vampire undead hunter. His narrations on sex, blood, vampirism, and other beastly incarnations remind us that Stoker’s original tale wasn’t to glorify Dracula-unlike modern takes on vampires in film and literature.

Not only does Oscar winning costumes and sets show off Dracula, impressive effects also highlight Coppola’s production. Misty ships, werewolf transformations, and all those slithery Dracula moves fit seamlessly with the spooky subject matter. All the gruesome scenes and decapitations are on DVD-forget watching Bram Stoker’s Dracula on basic TV. Too much is edited from the film to be appreciated.

Lighting effects and music cues spotlight Dracula’s attention to detail. Dracula’s castle is perfectly shadowed with candlelight, and the gaslights and early technical wonders of London add to the period atmosphere. Likewise the film’s score ups the creepy ante. The haunting work by Wojciech Kilar (The Pianist) enters every scene at the right moment. When the audience hears Dracula’s particular theme, we know something naughty is about to happen. When I heard the closing song in its entirety on the DVD, I knew it was Annie Lennox. As with her Oscar winning vocal performance for Return of the King, Lennox’s unique vibrato tops Dracula.

Of course, Dracula’s length and pacing are its only strikes. The slow pace and more talking less action sequences make the picture seem longer than its two hours and fifteen minutes. The finish however, is fast paced, and Coppola resolves his time traveling love triangle bookends-his only deviation from Stoker’s work.

Not a family film by any means or for the eyes of the squeamish or prudish, Bram Stoker’s Dracula also might not be enjoyed by the traditional period piece audience. Although there is no outright sex in the film, Coppola’s illusions to the vampire bite as penetration, heavy petting and nudity from the vampire brides, a touch of homoerotic undertones, and one count of potential bestiality rape might be too much for fans of films like The Remains of the Day. Quirky Ryder fans will no doubt eat up Dracula, as will Hopkins and Oldman fans. Horror enthusiasts, romance lovers, and proprietors of all things goth can enjoy Dracula with each viewing. Several editions of the DVD are available-from affordable older copies to new anniversary editions with features. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a must have in any budding horror fan’s library. You can’t be a definitive Dracula fan without it.

DVD Review: The Amityville Horror (Remake)

2009-02-28T07:38:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

I’m always weary of remakes. Until recently, I avoided the 2005 update of The Amityville Horror-I just liked the original too much to see it butchered into some new flash in the pan screamfest. Based on an actual Long Island murder and book controversy, director Andrew Douglas’ retelling deserves a chance from old school audiences.

Waiting alum Ryan Reynolds stars with Melissa George (Alias) as newlyweds George and Kathy Lutz. The couple pays a hefty sum for a to die for home in peaceful Amityville. Unfortunately, their dream home was the site of a gruesome murder the year before. The longer the family lives in the home, the more difficult their strained relationships become. Ghosts appear to Kathy’s daughter Chelsea (Chloe Moretz) and George moves into the basement-where voices tell him to harm his new wife and step son Michael (Jimmy Bennett).

I was impressed with Ryan Reynolds’ performance. After mostly hit or miss comedy roles such as Van Wilder and Just Friends, Reynolds toned up and grew a beard to enhance the creepy corruption of his character. Several key scenes with Jimmy Bennett are very near abuse and torture; Reynolds’ crazy demeanor and unkempt Manson look are absolutely believable. You have no doubt he means what he says and is physically capable of doing what the evil forces in the house want him to do.

After seeing Melissa George on the DVD extras, I was surprised to hear her natural Australian accent. Her American portrayal is spot on, and she is totally believable as the young wife and mother protecting her children. The behind the scenes features also detail a very complex scene involving little Chelsea on the rooftop. All the acting from the children is on form-not a whiny deterrence or humorous point as can happen in these modern horror flicks. They don’t look hokey, and in some scenes the kids genuinely look scared.

The setting, location, and the house itself are beautifully recreated here. This house is bigger than the original Amityville Horror sets, but this adds to Douglas’ spacious, encompassing, ominous feeling. Although one strike against the new production is the time period. The new script from screenwriter Scott Kosar (The Machinist) takes place in 1976, but several times I had to ask myself: this is the seventies, right? The hair, clothing, and props are more like the nineties revival of seventies style; the in vogue fashion for That 70’s Show. I am glad, however, that Douglas didn’t try and completely move the story and update everything to the present day. Forcing cell phones and computers into the mix takes away from the real spooky story.

Rookie director Douglas is quite fine. I could do without some of the herky jerky twisted evil imagery, but he answers the questions raised more with swift acting, tight action, and suspense that production tricks. In a lot of slasher flicks today, most of the boo moments can really be anticipated. Part of the fun in watching horror is predicting who will get axed when they go into the basement. Scream capitalized on this tongue in cheek aspect, but this Amityville gives you realistic scares where you least expect them. Most horror films are cut from the same cloth, but Douglas smartly uses that big house, chopping firewood, and lakeside location as the core of his emotional rollercoaster.

I liked The Amityville Horror, sure, but if Douglas and company try for a zillion other sequels, prequels, and remakes like the original franchise destroyed itself, I’d worry. Come one: Amityville 2: The Possession, Amityville 3D, Amityville: The Evil Escapes, The Amityville Curse, Amityville: It’s About Time, Amityville: A New Generation, and Amityville Dollhouse all mar the original film’s horrific visions. These downright bad sequels resorted to kinky gore and weak story connections. I hope that doesn’t happen to this psychological Amityville Horror. Douglas has a few essentially bloody scenes, but never loses sight that the plot is a family caught within a house’s evil.

The back story of the house’s possession is explained better here than in the Amityville 2: The Possession. Unfortunately it’s the documentary on the DVD that leaves me cold. Instead of a factual History Channel discussion or scientific analysis, the short fronts that old Sightings feeling. Old people saying “Oh! The house!”, a policeman contesting the family was crazy-they want you to decide the level of real haunt. At least the making of features and cast interviews are worthy.

The Amityville Horror probably shouldn’t take home any awards, and fans of the original might feel guilty or unable to let go of the 1979 classic. I do, however, urge those horror buffs to reconsider. Almost a homage instead of a disastrously cut remake, The Amityville Horror is an affordable DVD for your spooky movie night. Not recommended for children or the prudish, of course!

DVD Review: A Nightmare on Elm Street

2009-02-19T13:41:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Yes, sure we all know of Freddy Krueger and the dozen of Nightmare on Elm Street sequels. Wes Craven’s 1984 slasher classic has spawned countless spoofs and imitation cut ‘em ups, but when was the last time you saw the original that started it all? Younger folks may not appreciate A Nightmare on Elm Street but there’s no time like the present for a horror introduction.

Robert Englund stars as Fred Krueger, a child killer who has returned from the grave by stalking teen’s dreams. Tina (Amanda Wyss) dreams she will die, and soon her friend Nancy (Heather Langenkamp) also dreams of death from Freddy. Their boyfriends Rod (Nick Corri) and Glen (Johnny Depp) are also on sleepless vigils, fearful of Freddy Krueger killing them in their sleep.

It’s a simple enough plot, but it is unusual and tough to explain without spoiling everything. At the time, Craven’s idea hadn’t been played to death. The thought of sleep, rest, dreams-the exact necessities for fighting evil- would be where our horrors come from gives the original Nightmare its edge. Even if you aren’t scared out of bed like you may have been twenty five years ago, the idea of sleep being the enemy is enough food for thought to keep you from dozing.

Writer and director Craven also confuses the viewer by blurring the line between dreams and reality in A Nightmare on Elm Street. A few transitions are obvious with time and repeated viewings, but you’re on the edge of your seat if you don’t know when Freddy may appear. Some of the boiler room sequences can still offer a jump or two. Again Craven uses smart sets like a dirty, dark, hot boiler room where numerous pains and dangers can come into play-contrasted with our teens’ upscale houses and cozy bedrooms. Where Freddy is concerned, all can be used to his advantage. Several eerie scenes will stay with you long after viewing, ad that creepy rhyming song still echoes in my mind decades after first hearing it. Whenever you want to be funny, spooky, morbid-just sing the first phrase: One, Two. Freddy’s coming for you….

Some of the effects for A Nightmare on Elm Street have not stood the test of time. On the other hand, some are still being copied today; the blood flow on the ceiling, that quicksand bed. The sequels had much to top, some areas they did, and others they didn’t. Technically Kruger isn’t the star of the film, Heather Langenkamp is. Craven smartly delays the introduction of Krueger and instead scares the teens with his creepy dream voice and nails on a chalkboard claw. The excellent early dream sequences twist and turn around the girls. ‘Tis better to show a person in fear than a monster of which we may or may not be afraid. Psychological impact far outweighs effects. Nancy’s parents take her to a doctor for tests. Is she crazy? All she wants is for someone to believe that Freddy is real. Langenkamp fits the role of the smart fighter teen perfectly. Not a bombshell, but not a nerd. Former fifties teen idol John Saxon has made a second career in slasher flicks like Hellmaster and From Dusk Till Dawn. The cast may seem unstellar or unimportant, but they help sell the idea that this clique could be yours. These could be your friends or honeys that Freddy’s after.

Two stand outs are of course Johnny Depp and Robert Englund. I still think of Englund as good lizard Willie in V before Elm, but look in stores now that it’s nearing Halloween. You still find Freddy masks, knives gloves, and even that ugly striped shirt. The tongue in cheek nature of his performance helps Englund keep Freddy scary. He enjoys what he’s doing-especially with girls who make the mistake of having sex in a horror movie. Englund actually has little onscreen time, but the seed is planted here for further developed throughout the film series. Likewise Johnny Depp shows his talent in his first movie. Sardonic lines, aloof yet precise looks, and a still cool final scene ensured Depp’s cult status before his recent macabre and Pirate work.

Subsequent films in the Nightmare on Elm Street series-namely Freddy’s Revenge, Dream Warriors, Freddy’s Dead, and Wes Craven’s New Nightmare have moments that touch the original, but none is as complete. Series fans and horror buffs will eat up every minute of course, but casual fans might not want to invest in the pricey collector’s set. A Nightmare on Elm Street and all its sequels are also available individually for an affordable price. I picked up the original for my honey, but thought he would find it dated and hokey. Not so! I wouldn’t say A Nightmare on Elm Street will be around as long as people have dreams, just nightmares.

DVD Review: The Exorcist

2009-02-11T12:09:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

I was born in 1981, so I missed the initial fear fest brought on by the 1973 thriller The Exorcist. Based on the novel by William Peter Blatty, film going audiences were terrorized in their seats, vomiting in the aisles, and fainting before the theater screens. Since then, The Exorcist has frightened a whole new generation-and then some.

The Exorcist stars Linda Blair as young Regan, a 13 year old girl who begins to act strangely after her and her actress mother Chris (Ellen Burstyn) move to Washington DC for a film shoot. Psychiatrists, other doctors, and specialists have no answer for Regan’s unrest. Freaky accidents, violence, and more disturbing behavior from Regan lead Chris to Father Damien Karras (Jason Miller). Even the troubled Priest is baffled by Regan’s ability to speak in ancient languages; the physical abuse on her body-including etchings from the inside of her stomach that says ‘Help me’; and of course the infamous, horrifying, and despicable masturbation with a crucifix.

Father Damien Brings in Father Lankester Merrin (Max Von Sydow), an elderly Priest who has fought this kind of evil before. Two prequels were even made detailing Merrin’s first encounter with the devil, but both miss the mark and cannot compare to the ultimate battle here. The Priests tie Regan to the bed and begin the Rites of Exorcism. Before the devil is contained, however, he pulls out all the stops, including taunting Father Damien With his dead mother’s words and the now oft parodied projectile vomit.

Despite our society’s desensitization, The Exorcist remains one of the most disturbing films ever made. I was a teenager when I saw the re-released edition with the additional footage. It was the middle of the day and clear as a bell outside, yet I was spooked for weeks afterward. The extra scenes on the DVD ‘The Version You’ve Never Seen’ include a creepy spiderwalk and more scenes of Father Merrin in Africa. Even after the numerous parodies and spoofs, the initial experience of viewing The Exorcist is tough to beat. After 4 sequels and prequels, several video releases and re-releases, how is it The Exorcist still scares the split pea soup out of us?

The effects are cool, but nothing spectacular. The chills presented by director William Friedkin come from the psychological and sociological themes shown. Many of the early audiences had never heard foul language in a wide release, much less F-bombs from a 13 year old girl. Both the religious and demonic imagery presented are unique and frightening. Shocking as it is to see such blasphemous uses of Christian symbols, Friedkin showcases the devil as a living breathing evil force. This is both engrossing and terrifying. The Exorcist is enough to scare anyone straight from their malignant ways. Here a young, innocent little girl was possessed. Imagine the torment the devil could bring to those who deserve it. Exceptional makeup and an impressive performance from Blair solidify the movie’s insistence that the devil is real.

This is how horror films should be. Realistic in the scarys they portray-no matter how fantastic. If art imitates life, then The Exorcist is a photographic reminder of good versus evil and how careful we should be in our temptations. None of The Exorcist films are suitable for children, and I only recommend viewing for the most mature teens, otherwise the between the lines material is lost. The latest DVD release of The Exorcist has a few extras, but the film speaks for itself. Some of the sequels are worthy interpretations, especially The Exorcist III, based on Blatty’s own book sequel, Legion. If you’re seeking one of the best films ever made-not just thee most exceptional horror movie-The Exorcist is unbeatable.

DVD Review: House on Haunted Hill (Original)

2009-01-30T13:56:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Ah, ‘Tis the season for horror movie marathons, is it not? On tap for my black and white movie challenged man, House on Haunted Hill- the 1959 original mind you. Even if its slightly dated and not as scary as it used to be, this classic is a must see for any horror buff.

Master of horror Vincent Price stars as Frederick Loren- a bored millionaire throwing a party for his young, jealous, and greedy wife Annabelle (Carol Omhart)- complete with a haunted house, plenty of scotch, and revolvers in mini coffins as favors. Five guests are invited by Loren-although none have met the mysterious millionaire. Lance, the test pilot (Richard Long), Ruth the reporter (Julie Mitchum), The Doctor (Alan Marshal), Nora a sweet girl of course (Carolyn Craig), and the drunk owner of the house Watson Pritchard (Elisah Cook Jr.). These financially challenged guests must spend the night locked in the haunted house-those who survive until morning will walk away with $10,000.

While that’s hardly a lot of money today, and other aspects of the film have not stood the test of time, Vincent Price is near perfection. The husky voiced veteran of such horror classics as House of Usher, The Raven, The Pit and The Pendulum, and my favorite The Masque of Red Death-not to mention mainstream roles in The Ten Commandments and Laura-Price proves his worth here. The multifaceted actor chews up Loren and thoroughly enjoys the cheeky interplay between Loren and his fourth wife. Their introductory scene is full of jealously, love of money, and reminiscing about poison.

The rest of the cast is standard in its support. Sure some of the drama and hysterics is over the top now, but each actor fits his or her part perfectly. Lance the bravado pilot and Nora can really scream-but more importantly, they serve their purpose. A classic star like Jimmy Stewart or Cary Grant-they come with a preconceived notion of who they are and what their character must be about. With a cast of relative unknowns, director William Castle succeeds in reaching his audience. The party guests are indeed regular people who need Loren’s money-desperate people to endure this house for money. Average Joes like you and me. Although it is firmly placed in its fifties mentality, Castle and writer Robb White touches a timeless concept with House on Haunted Hill-greed. What would you do for $10,000?

Unfortunately, Castle’s promotional ideas for House on Haunted Hill were touch and go. Although the low budget film succeeded at the box office, the idea of skeletons zooming across the theater at selected parts of the film was technically difficult and got out of hand with audiences. The film’s bloody heads, dangling bodies, pools of acid, and the like are also bound to the movie making techniques of the time. Observant fans will spot the flying wires and proverbial smoke and mirrors in the film. At the wrong volume, the music and screaming-and there is a lot of screaming-can be a toe towards annoying as well.

Hokeyness aside, House on Haunted Hill still provides one or two heart pounding jump in your seat scares. The first time I saw House on Haunted Hill, it wasn’t a dark and stormy night. The lights were on and it wasn’t even near Halloween. I tuned in for Vincent Price, but I thought the opening was convoluted and slow. When the first BOO moment came, I was caught totally off guard. I’ve been hooked on this little film that could since.

In 1999, House on Haunted Hill was updated by director William Malone with gore, gore, and more gore. Castle’s original is just silly enough and clean enough for a spooky night in with the kids. The remake focuses more on the actual haunting and back story of the house, but its gear toward modern fan boys with short attention spans is fleeting at best.The updated House on Haunted Hill stars Geoffrey Rush as amusement monger Stephen Price and Famke Janssen as his greedy wife Evelyn. As in the original, the woefully wealthy couple needs to add spice to their relationship by holding a party-a party in a haunted house of course. Five unsuspecting guests are lured to the fiesta, and whoever survives the entire night at the house receives a one million dollar voucher-just to keep it real for today’s audiences. Writer Dick Beebe added a psycho insane asylum back story to the house, but the plot does little. Chopped up parts, naked women, and crazy experiments try to explain the house’s evil, but in truly frightening fashions- not knowing the how or why is better. Knowing the rather weak source of your evil can make things a bit…lame.

Contrary to Malone’s belief, my favorite part of the revived House on Haunted Hill is not the opening herky jerky, cut ‘em up flashbacks, nor the subsequent roller coaster ride and stunt casting of singer Lisa Loeb and Spike alum James Marsters. My individual creepy came midway through the film, when Price views crazy psychiatrist ghost Dr. Vannacutt (Jeffery Combs) on his TV monitors. The otherworldly, stop motion, unnatural movements are the best part of the film, and they only last a few seconds. The shock value of chopped heads and good old fashioned shock therapy treatments do nothing to scare modern audiences.

Chris Kattan has a few memorable scenes as the neurotic owner of the industrial and contemporary haunt. He plays the exact same funny man as always, but it’s intriguing to see the humor in a spooky setup. Although I doubt all the humor is intentional. So if the movie isn’t meant to be funny, and it isn’t scary-who is the film for? It is rare for any medium today to not have a strict marketing campaign. Vincent Price fans will not like this new House on Haunted Hill, and teeny bopper fans will quickly dismiss it for others in this new inferior slasher genre- Thirteen Ghosts immediately comes to mind. When I tried to tell a friend about this new House on Haunted Hill, she responded, “The one with Catherine Zeta-Jones?” Of course that’s The Haunting-another remake inferior to the original.

What makes films like the original House on Haunted Hill classics is the effects-bad effects or simply the lack there of. My favorite part of Price’s version involves an old lady. I swear she is riding a skateboard to create that ghostly walk ambiance. It’s a catch-22. The effects are hokey and often as bad as hell-which of course tunes out spoiled CGI viewers. However, since old time film making effects were so bad-the story, actors, and directing needed to hold their own. The remake, however, adds nothing but bad gore and bad gimmicks. If a film must be remade, the redo must adhere to all the original’s strengths and them some. The new House on Haunted Hill is only for die hard cheese fans.

In a day and age where a film has to be rated R to be good, its amazing to recall that films like the original House on Haunted Hill succeeded with little violence, bad props, and cheeky dialogue. Kids might get genuinely spooked, and boomers might remember their first viewing at that special drive-in. House on Haunted Hill is what it is, but its old B flick fashion should not be taken at face value. Castle’s little movie is for fans young and old who appreciate good film. Clearly something was done right-we’re still watching over forty years later.

Fortunately both House on Haunted Hills aren’t over the top in price range. Check the bargain bin at your local video store for the new colorized version of the original, check the budget collections at any department store, or browse the used for a copy of the 1999 release. Hill can be found in classic sets, individually, as a double feature-even budget DVD's with cartoon shorts like the good old days. Priced at $9.99 or under-$5 or less if you know where to look-my edition contains a Superman short and the John Carradine classic Bluebeard. Two for the price of one!

Skip the remake and go with the classic House on Haunted Hill. It appeals to everyone, and you can’t call yourself a horror film buff without it!

DVD Review: The Skeleton Key

2009-01-20T16:07:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

If it’s supposed to be scary, I’ll watch just about anything –even though I heard bad things about The Skeleton Key. The 2005 thriller stars Almost Famous alum Kate Hudson, but the initial $30 price tag was a bit much for a film widely regarded as a disappointment.

I did however like The Skeleton Key when I saw it on TV recently-it was a relatively low investment, of course. Not stellar, a few too many clichés, but I liked it. As if she could play nothing else and milking all her Oscar nominated glory, The Skeleton Key casts Hudson as Caroline, a former roadie trying to become a nurse. Since her father’s death, Caroline has moved from one elderly center to the next, trying to find closure. She takes a position caring for Ben (John Hurt), who has recently had a stroke. At first she butts heads with Ben’s wife Violet (Gena Rowlands), but Caroline fines shades of romance in New Orleans lawyer (Tom Uskali).

Naturally it was fascinating to see a film set in New Orleans before Hurricane Katrina, but the voodoo element has been done to death. I was unsure how a haunted New Orleans house movie would play out-a la The Others-but we never get to see, since Director Iain Softley resorts to digging up weird voodoo stereotypes. I know nothing about voodoo but what I’ve seen on Dark Shadows, and some of the clichés were obvious to me. Despite its PG-13 rating, I can see how The Skeleton Key must have offended the real Louisiana population.

The acting is just fine, but again we resort to Kate Hudson in skimpy clothes and talking about music. The Skeleton Key does a lot of resorting where it should be going forth. Gena Rowlands is perfect as the aging Southern belle Violet. You easily suspected she is up to no good from the beginning, but I never expected Violet’s end to come as it did. John Hurt-infamous for the scene in Alien- is also delightful as Ben. The stroke victim expertly says what he needs to through his eyes, actions, and struggles. One of the better sequences has the partially paralyzed Ben out on the roof top. Oiy!

Despite its clichés and redundancy, I was surprised by The Skeleton Key’s ending. Maybe because I was sick and out of it or not on my sharpest note, but writer Ehren Kruger’s twist ending may be just that. I suspect Kate Hudson accepted the role based on the end of the script alone. Good, but unhappy-the ending is slightly sinister. At the conclusion, Hudson sounds a lot like her mom Goldie Hawn. Her closing husky delivery completes the creepy.

I don’t recommend The Skeleton Key for prudes or people who otherwise might be offended religiously-although I’ve certain seen more offensive material. Nor would I say The Skeleton Key is a thinking man’s movie. I was interested enough to keep watching and guessing how things would play out, but rewatchability dips significantly once you know how the film ends.

The Skeleton Key- despite a swift resolution- is a relatively safe and formulaic piece for fans of safe movies. I even dare say it’s safe for mature tweens, maybe even 10 and up. Kate Hudson collectors will enjoy no doubt, but if you are seeking serious spooks, southern haunts, or voodoo mayhem, I can definitely recommend better. Fans are better off investing in a simple classic like Hush Hush Sweet Charlotte. Only die hard Kate Hudson lovers should pay full price for The Skeleton Key. Briefly intrigued audiences can tape it off TV.

100 Tears

2009-01-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

Review by Will Sanders

Those with Coulrophobia (exaggerated fear of clowns) need not to watch this film. 100 Tears is the story of two reporters, Mark (Joe Davison) and Jennifer (Georgia Chris), That are hell bent on finding a story that will take them to the big time. Their journey leads them straight into the path of the gruesome murders of The Teardrop Killer. While investigating the crime scenes and pretty much doing the Detective's jobs, they uncover that the killings are connected to Gurdy (a once harmless carnival clown turned psychopath).

There is no clowning around in this film. 100 Tears is a non-stop in your face gore fest extravaganza. The killing starts at the beginning and doesn't let you take a breath until the end. Marcus Koch (Director and the blood, sweat and tears of Oddtopsy FX) did an incredible job of keeping on course with the plot and still maintaining a bloodbath at ever turn. The thing that most horror films can't do today. In my opinion horror films today either bore you with to much dialogue or have a plotless film with a bunch of meaningless killing in it. I was impressed to see that Koch was able to find a happy medium between the two.

The second thing that stuck out in the film was the chemistry between Mark and Jennifer. Their characters continue to grow throughout the film. Davison was funny and sarcastic and Brown was witty and sincere. While only partners in the film, you definitely get the since that they strongly care for each other (Mark a little more than Jennifer).

The other characters were just as energetic, but I felt that there needed to be a little more explanation of the other carnie's role in the story. The film gave an outline back story but you can tell there was more participation from the rest of the carnival in what was happening. I guess for a full explanation, we can only hope for a sequel.

With all of that and a killer soundtrack that only excites and intensifies the film.
100 Tears exceeds your normal indie horror and competes with the big boys. I know this will not be the last we hear from Koch and Davison. If you did not get to see this in theaters or festivals earlier this year you will still get your chance. 100 Tears is being distributed SJW and Grindstone Entertainment. The 100 Tears DVD is due out nationwide by the end of this year and I am hoping to see some outtakes and behind the scenes footage in the home video release.

All in all, 100 Tears is a big top blood splattering attraction. Gurdy with his gigantic meat clever makes Pennywise look as harmless as Bozo the Clown. I highly recommend this film and I am glad to see a Killer Clown back in the spotlight once again.

Book Review: Eternal Vigilance By Gabrielle S. Faust

2009-01-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

Review by Sara Jackson

PLOT SUMMARY:
Tynan awakens after a century of sleep. Breaking free of his tomb, he enters a city that was once familiar to him, but has now been devastated by an apocalyptic war that has raged as long as his slumber. With devastation all around him, Tynan seeks out his first victim, an adolescent brandishing an AK-47.

Before giving himself over to a century's worth of slumber, Tynan had been a philosopher among his fellow vampires, even building his own religion. After killing and draining the blood from an eight hundred year old vampire named Aidan, Tynan was socially exiled.

While exploring his surroundings, Tynan spots a beautiful girl, who leads him through the woods to his friend Seafra. They lead Tynan back to Seafra's house, where he is given a change of clothes. The next night, Seafra confronts Tynan about vanishing after being exiled. Seafra goes on to explain to Tynan about what's been happening in the hundred years that he's been asleep.

An underground cyber-movement called the Tyst had rewritten all military codes for every nation in the world and they pilphered the world's money into their own pockets. People fought bloody wars to regain control from the Tyst. But the Tyst gained the upper hand by making sure that every piece of technology was taken from the rebels. Those that fought against the Tyst's power are called the Phuree and they live outside the city. The Phuree are a people without technology, but are deeply rooted in magic. Even teaming up with a handful of vampires to try and bring down the Tyst.

Phelan, his maker and the other vampires later summon Tynan, to devise a plan to defeat the Tyst. In Tynan's journals lies the secret and evidence that he is the chosen one to defeat the Tyst. Tynan becomes enraged at being the chosen one, that he lunges at Phelan. But his blows are deflected and Tynan is seriously injured.

His fellow vampires take him to the Phuree camp, where he is given the blood of Nahalo, an ancient vampire, revered among the Phuree as some type of oracle. With his new found powers, Tynan must decide whether he will vanish again, or stay and defeat the Tyst, restoring power back to the people.

REVIEW:
Gabrielle S. Faust's book is full of poetic imagery. She finds beauty in the shadows and the horror of a devastated civilization. Faust sheds new light on vampire culture, making them angels, instead of demons.

At times Faust's vampires seemed too closely related to Anne Rice's vampires. Tynan's long slumber and reawakening to a new world was reminiscent of Lestat's awakening in The Vampire Lestat. Tynan's inner struggle with killing resembled that of Louise's in Interview With the Vampire.

For those that crave vampire fiction with a dark soul, Gabrielle Faust delivers on all levels.

Isle of the Damned

2009-01-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

Isle of the Damned (2008) is a laugh riot, if your sense of humor is as warped as mine. This film is a send up of just about every Italian cannibal ever made. Someone really did their homework as instead of phony American credits, we have phony Italian credits. Add bad dubbing, obvious wigs, a little too much sodomy, crazy characters, and extreme gore, you have a little something for the whole family.

PI, Jack Steele is hired by a fat slob to help him find the lost treasure of Marco Polo. Wasn’t he the guy who invented the Polo Shirt? Anyway they land on an island off the coast of Argentina. Steele, his side kick Billy, & the Fat Guy venture inland in search of treasure. Of course we are warned that this film was banned in over 492 countries and the Make Them Die Slowly type voice over warns us that this is real.

The threesome come across some cannibals cutting off a guy’s dick. He and a woman are tied up and another pregnant woman is caught by the cannibals and has a fetus ripped out and eaten. They might have been missionaries spreading the word of God. Now they are just entrees. Steele shoots a few cannibals and he and Billy drag the comatose woman through the jungle.

They come across a mansion owned by Alex Kincaid. Kincaid has a man servant, an ex ninja hitman, who has taken a vow of silence. This adds a little kung fu to the proceedings. Kincaid originally was looking for the treasure himself, but now he lives among the cannibals. In between all this, all the minor cast members are killed and eaten in various disgusting ways. If this wasn’t tongue in cheek, the gore would be just as hard to watch as a “real” Italian cannibal film.

Not to give anymore away, you have to see this one. If you’re a fan of that dreaded Italian cannibal sub genre, you owe it yourself to see this one. You can just sit there , taking bong hits, then pick out the scenes lifted from various films. Then you can revel in the castrations, mutilations, disembowelments, fetus bashing, ass raping, face ripping carnage.

Even the DVD box pushes the envelope stating that this is the “1980 cult classic”, released for the first time in North America. The opening credits also tell us that the director “fled the country” after the Argentine authorities seized the print of this film. All in all, a worthy homage to those classic cannibal films of yesteryear.

Queen of Black Magic

2009-01-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

1979, from Mondo Macabra Starring Suzzanna.

If you want something different, a lot of stuff from Indonesia is becoming available. This had been available on an obscure VHS label, now it’s on DVD from a digital transfer from the original negative.

After a wedding ceremony goes wrong, the groom suspects black magic. He seeks out his ex lover and has her thrown off a cliff. She is rescued by a hermit/witch doctor who urges her to seek revenge. He teaches her black magic and she use spells to get diabolical revenge on the people who wronged her.

People are covered with boils, worms, snakes and other nasty shit. But something is amiss. The hermit is not all he seems to be, and has a revenge agenda all his own. Interesting film with a lot of exotic scenery. The SPFX are grotesque and amateurish, when compared to our home grown stuff, but then do you think you could get Linda Blair to put real worms in her mouth? Don’t think so, but in these type of films I have seen the actors barf up buckets of worms & bugs. Talk about art for arts sake!!

Suzzanna was a mainstay of these films and was the Indonesian Scream Queen in that country. Other films were Headless Terror, Snake Queen & White Crocodile Queen. Sadly, like quite a few other genre stars, she passed away in October of 2008. 2008 wasn’t a good year for any of us.

The Insatiable Iron Babe

2009-01-09T16:37:00.000-08:00

2008, from Seduction Cinema Starring Jackie Stevens, Darian Caine, and Kerry Taylor Directed by John Bacchus

Returning to a tried & true formula, spoofing current blockbusters, Seduction Cinema presents their version of Iron Man. Horny Fark is a billionaire who owns Fark Industries, a high end sex toy company. While attending a sex toy expo in Bacchustan, she is captured by terrorist Abu Bu, and forced to construct a nuclear powered sex doll.

Fark escapes and builds a sex toy suit of armor with a laser bra, bullet proof panties, and long lasting batteries. Fark turns the tables on the terrorists, destroying everything they throw at her.

The film is pretty funny and has enough girl on girl scenes to stimulate the most jaded libido. Jackie Stevens is great in the titular role and makes me think she could go on to higher budget films, if given the opportunity. Look for yours truly in a cameo appearance. Definitely worth a look.

DVD Review: An American Haunting

2009-01-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Once again a horror movie was on tap for the evening. When in doubt, should you always go to the movies and see a horror film? Based on the title alone, We picked An American Haunting.

The introduction explained the film was based on actual events in Tennessee around 1820, but the action opens in 2006. The modern frame is a weak connection geared at today’s teens. I was not surprised to find out the movie is PG-13. Unfortunately, I don’t think you can make a quality horror movie today without an R rating.

It was pleasing to see Donald Sutherland and Sissy Spacek as John and Lucy Bell, but the rest of the cast is unremarkable. After a sour deal with a neighbor, John is overruled by the church. His injured neighbor curses John and his daughter Betsy (Rachel Hurd-Wood), and thereafter strange things accumulate on the Bell Estate. A vengeful spirit manifests, attacks Betsy, and ultimately claims the life of John.

As refreshing as it was to see a film set in the early 19th century, the story ran thin early. For America’s most famous haunting, and the only one responsible for a death, I certainly had never heard of The Bell Witch before, and I thought myself schooled in such things. I hoped to see everything explained since the main haunting wasn’t told in bits and pieces of herky jerky movie flashbacks, but the film closes with much to interpret.

The haunting itself is debatable. Is it the curse or a poltergeist manifested by Betsy herself? I lean towards the latter, but director Courtney Solomon focuses on repeat attacks instead of definitively explaining the spooks. The unfortunate side effect is that this makes the family look fairly stupid. Initially, it was quite fascinating to see early ghost hunters handle a entity without any technology to speak of. They shoot at a few wolves, candles blow out, the old house creaks. After the first two or three or five occurrences, however, why doesn’t the family at least attempt to leave the house? Betsy leaves her bedroom, but returns to it for more invisible string ups and smack downs. Professor Powell (James D’Arcy) is brought in to help Betsy, but he also has romantic interests in her. Hmm… One highlight of the film shows Betsy being taken away by the Professor and her older brother John Jr. (Thom Fell) in a dangerous carriage chase, but it looks like this was just a dream sequence. Instead the family sends another young girl into Betsy room to be attacked with her!

In the theater I suspected John Bell was responsible for his own terror. Several shots from Solomon hint at a more serious and inappropriately kinky relationship with his daughter. No one would blame Betsy if she subconsciously manifested this presence because of abuse from her father. When Betsy sees the spirit as a playful young girl, is it her own childlike innocence she is trying to recapture? Is Betsy just confused between choosing between two suitors? Does the idea of simple marriage and a home life not appeal to her? We just don’t know.

Was the poltergeist caused by abuse or merely puberty? Blood stains on Betsy’s sheets and John’s shirt –was it rape or a father unable to accept his daughter’s first menstruation? Solomon isn’t quite clear, and his 2006 bookend implies the whole area of Red River, Tennessee is temptation for incestuous dads. As I said, the modern echo raises more questions than gives answers. What is the significance of the attic? Are these people even related? Is it supposed to be the same house? Indeed I hope these basic questions ( and boy there is a lot of them!) were not left unanswered to make room for a sequel. Oiy!

As is the new tradition, I’m sure Courtney Solomon will present a Director’s Cut! Special Edition! or some such. If it’s filled with more of Betsy thrashing around and clawing the floor instead of character development or an alternate ending, I don’t know if I’d buy it.

An American Haunting is a misguided attempt at a classic historical haunting on film. Genre fans who can’t get enough will dig the old school suspense feel, but penny pinchers should wait for a DVD sale or television premiere. I’ve seen better than An American Haunting. If you’re itching for something spooky to do, read a gothic novel instead.

DVD Review: The 'Burbs

2008-12-30T14:28:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Who hasn't seen The 'burbs, honestly? Tom Hanks' 1989 spooky comedy has laughs, star power, and a few scares to boot. Twenty years after its debut, The 'burbs continues to provide a tongue in cheek look at the horrors or suburbia, and it's entertaining, too.

Unassuming Ray Peterson (Hanks) suspects his new neighbors of foul play. The Klopeks don't mow their lawn and stay out of sight. When fellow neighbor Walter (Gale Gordon) goes missing, neighbors Art (Rick Duccommun) and Rumsfield (Bruce Dern) unite with Ray in investigating the seemingly sinister Klopeks. Of course, Ray's wife Carol (Carrie Fisher) just wants a nice simple vacation.

Hanks is perfect as everyman Ray. Younger fans who know Hanks more for his recent dramatic roles and Oscar winning performances (Philadelphia, Forrest Gump) will delight in his subtle comedy. Bosom Buddies fans, naturally, will love more from Hanks early comic genius.

Although Hanks is clearly the star of the film, the supporting cast completes The 'burbs. Without his fellow Corey Haim, Corey Feldman stands strong as Ricky-the punk of the block who aides the men in their quest. His asides and commentary of events as they unfold are still hysterical after many years and many viewings-partly because of Feldman's delivery, but also due to the sharp writing of Dana Olsen (Hit later with George of the Jungle, missed with Inspector Gadget.)

Post Star Wars Carrie Fisher plays the sardonic straight well with Hanks. As a child, I thought the public's impression of Fisher was incorrect. (My hair was long enough to twist into those God awful buns mind you.) Perhaps, not as successful as fellow Star Wars alum Harrison Ford, Fisher still worked in film through the nineties, and her performance here showcases her comedic range. In recent years, Fisher has become a best selling author and script doctor.

Bruce Dern has several perfect physical comedy moments. His military toys are unique props, as is his young and prissy wife Bonnie (Wendy Schaal). The scene where the two women take control and knock on the Klopek's door is just right, as is our long awaited introduction to the Klopeks. The brownies; the pretty girl that “came vit the frame”; the sardines and pretzels-all classic touches that will have you watching The 'burbs again and again.

Henry Gibson, Brother Theodore, and Courtney Gains play the spooky, un-neighborly Klopeks to a T. Although I've seen them all in other films, I always think, “Oh, He's in The 'burbs!” Their dry humor, innocent send ups, and final come to blows with Ray, Art, and Rumsfield never get old.

As much praise as I have for The'burbs, the film is not without its faults. The clothing and sets are mid eighties textbook-bad hair, wallpaper, and all. Ray's dream sequence has grown tiresome in recent years, and some of Art's dialogue I can do without. Modern audiences nursed on special effects might also find The 'burbs lack of major effects upsetting. For The 'burbs, it's not in the time, the place, or the effects. The movie's subtleties and veiled commentary on suburban life are its strengths.

Director Joe Dante's message that crazy neighbors are everywhere-especially in the seemingly blissful, perfectly mowed suburbs-is unfortunately not that far from the truth. In my own South Jersey community alone crime is on the rise. Today, some upstart filmmaker would tackle The 'burbs as a serious horror film with all the blood and gore our desensitized minds can take. Dante here smartly made The 'burbs an all out comedy-even though it does have a few genuine spooky moments.

Sure I saw it as a kid, but Ray's early glimpses of his crazy neighbors gave me the creeps. The bees nest, the ambiguous trash scene, even the 666 address of the Klopeks and the infamous femur bone. Swift attention to detail keeps The 'burbs smarter and more intelligent that today's sophomoric send ups. Simple uses of music cues, lightning effects, and dark camera shots keep this seemingly inept comedy fresh and in audience's mind long after your last viewing.

The 'burbs is a rare horror comedy (Horrody?) that the entire family can still enjoy and continue to enjoy for years to come. The presentation works on all levels-script, acting, direction-and is an extremely affordable DVD. A quality film that won't break the bank, food for thought, and a few jumps in your chair, who knew these gems could be found in a Corey Feldman movie?

DVD Review: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

2008-12-18T05:16:00.000-08:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008, with Ron Pearlman, Selma Blair & others. Directed by Guillermo De Toro.

Should have been called Hellboy Goes to Pan’s Labyrinth. So many damn monsters that’s its overkill and just flatlines the whole thing. Add the fact that Hellboy starts to sound & act like Herman Munster when he’s around Blair. Another potentially great franchise shot to hell.

DVD Review: Pistol Whipped

2008-12-18T05:12:00.000-08:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008, starring Steven Segal and Lance Henriksen Directed by Roel Rene
If grind houses still existed, this would be at the bottom end of a triple bill. Former wife beater, now bloated beyond belief action star Segal looks fuckin' horrible in this film. The only reason I picked it up was because Lance Henriksen is in it. He’s only there for about 2 minutes, showing good career sense. Segal has always needed good co stars because he has the charisma of a dead toad.

Why this fat fuck has any fan base is beyond my comprehension. He has been paired with Gary Busey, Tommy Lee Jones, Pam Grier, William Forsythe, and other good actors because he sucks. Just ask William Forsythe what a dick he was to work with. I thought he was out of the business because he rolled over on some real “wise guys” a few years ago. Then he was co starring with a bunch of black rap & hip hop stars because on his own , he could draw flies.

This is your standard ex cop runs up huge gambling debt, mystery mans buys the debt and puts Stevie to work killing bad guys. Did you ever see a fat martial artist , except Sammo Hung, who could move fast? Steve just waddles through his fight scenes while his opponents sell their asses off for him. I bought both of these DVD's pre-viewed for $5 each and that was $9.99 too much.

DVD Review: Monster

2008-12-18T05:08:00.000-08:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008, staring Sarah Lynch & Erin Sullivan Directed by Erik Estenberg.
This was supposed to be better than Cloverfield? Sticking that palmcorder up my ass for 90 minutes would have been more entertaining than this piece of shit. Ok, I’ll say it, fuck Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead, and this handycam piece of shit. No more POV films, please. It’s done, the format sucks, we pay to see monsters, not two sisters arguing for 90 minutes. You see a bunch of tentacles at the end of the film. That’s it, your payoff after 90 minutes of tedium. This movie sucks. End of story.

DVD Review: Exorcism of Emily Rose

2008-12-15T05:00:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Exorcism movies are few and far between-I can only think of a handful of films minus the weak Exorcist sequels. 2005’sThe Exorcism of Emily Rose is the most recent theatrical release dealing with possessions by you know who.

Laura Linney (Congo) stars as hot shot lawyer Erin Bruner. She’s won several high profile cases, and her firm promises to make her a partner if she takes on Father Moore’s (Tom Wilkinson) intriguing case. The church doesn’t want any bad publicity, and Erin reluctantly defends the Priest accused of murder during the exorcism of Emily Rose.

The exorcism is uniquely contained entirely in flashbacks and court testimony, a very intriguing concept from director Scott Derrickson (Hellraiser: Inferno). Instead of an opening exorcism movie and a closing court room drama, the two are merged together. As witnesses recount Emily’s experiences, Erin also begins seeing things and having disturbing dreams. The storylines go hand in hand on some points and jar at others. Who is the film for-horror enthusiasts or Law and Order Junkies? Still, I liked the unusual style better than a thinly stretched exorcism movie with a confusing legalese sequel.

Linney holds her own Erin Bruner. The character actress does alright, but the trouble is her jack of all trades performances. She is neither horrible or stand out here, as in The Life of David Gale and The Truman Show. In what film has Laura Linney stolen the show? I don’t mean it as a knock, but any actress could have filled the role, and a bigger name might have given the picture more notice. Perhaps it was Derrickson and his handling of the dual performance? Is Erin a confident lawyer or a jittery and spooked girl?

Likewise we don’t see much of the film’s titular Emily Rose as played by Jennifer Carpenter. We meet her just before her troubles being-and everything from epilepsy to her evil big city college is blamed for Emily’s horrific episodes. Carpenter (Dexter) is rather run of the mill and thinking back, I’m not sure if she has any considerable dialogue of her own. Others say what Emily said, and her letters are read in court. More should have been given to Emily. The audience waits like the jury onscreen, hearing character witnesses describe Emily’s terrible condition and torturous exorcism. In this instance, the movie’s set up has backfired. We don’t really care about Emily. We can’t sympathize with her because we don’t really even know her.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose’s saving grace is Tom Wilkinson’s Father Moore. He is the character on which the film is rightfully centered. We know enough early on to realize evil bad, priest good. We want him to win the case and prove his exorcism beliefs justified. Based on his position alone, we believe his version of events to be true. Wilkinson perfectly hits the balance between the mission of truth and the anguish this whole sequence of events has caused. I’ve seen him previously in comedic films like The Full Monty. We like him despite the weight of the situation simply because Moore is a likeable guy.

The relationship that develops between Erin and Father Moore is also a highlight. Erin becomes his lone jailhouse parishioner, and when evil makes its presence known to her, Father Moore is there with information and confidence. His claim that 3 a.m. is the devil’s hour, a perversion of Christ’s 3 p.m. crucifixion, is the creepiest piece of info given. Now when I wake up during the night, I refuse to look at the clock.

Relationships could save The Exorcism of Emily Rose, but what little effects are given could have been better. I prefer the ‘what you don’t see’ method best, but Derrickson shows too little and gives us nothing new. Cliché invisible forces crushing and slapping Emily around are too weak compared to any Exorcist film. Now let’s face it, a lot of horror films and especially exorcism films will always be compared to that 360 head spin and split pea soup vomit. The Exorcism of Emily Rose doesn’t measure up.

Again I come back to the split personality nature of the film. Looking at the effects and lack of scares, The Exorcism of Emily Rose isn’t really a horror film. Then again, intelligent law watchers will think the exorcism flashbacks ridiculous. Religious audiences might enjoy the moral and faith debates presented, but the ethical scenes are few and far between. A mature young adult church group might enjoy a good analysis of Emily Rose, but kids and prudes should avoid the naughty possession scenes. The only scene I found scary was Emily’s initial demonic encounter. Alone in a dorm hall at night any number of horrible things can happen. Pseudo rapeage by invisible evil I suspect is the worst.

We picked up the unrated version of The Exorcism of Emily Rose for a fairly affordable price, but the DVD had little to offer beyond one incomplete deleted scene. For exorcism collectors, the set is a must have, otherwise it’s hit or miss for horror or court room audiences.

In the end, smart performances cannot save The Exorcism of Emily Rose, and mainstream audiences are likely to label the film as my mother did, “Stupid.”

Of Darkness

2008-12-05T05:35:00.001-08:00

Review by Matt Molloy

Plot Summary:
While cleaning out their recently deceased grandfathers belongings, Brian & Jeff Chaisson inadvertently stumble upon an ancient book; one of mysterious and malevolent origin.

Later that same evening, while entertaining friends during a sleepover, Jeff unveils the recent discovery in an effort to impress the group. Seizing the opportunity, the gang uses the book as a scare tactic against their favorite target and youngest member, Charlie.

Succumbing to peer pressure, and the trusted reassurance of his older brother Tank, Charlie opens the book and unwittingly unleashes a malicious entity. An unseen force that has chosen to target the boys...an evil that has chosen the form 'of Darkness'.

Review:
This is by far the best indie film I've seen. A brilliant concept that left me with chills! Of Darkness is proof that a horror film doesn't need a masked killer or tons of gore to be terrifying, the fear of the unkown can be much worse. This is twenty minutes every horror fan should experience. You'll be sleeping with the light on after you see this film!

DVD Review: The Lost Boys

2008-12-05T05:28:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

So you have to be an eighties baby to even remember who ‘The Coreys’ are, but the 1987 vampire fest The Lost Boys is worth remembering. Directed by Joel Schumacher and starring Jason Patric, Kiefer Sutherland, Jami Gertz, Diane Wiest, and of course, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, The Lost Boys strength is not in its stale effects but in its memorable characters.

Divorced Mom Lucy (Diane Wiest) moves her sons Michael (Jason Patric) and Sam (Corey Haim) from Phoenix to Santa Carla, where the boys have a tough time adjusting to Grandpa’s (Barnard Hughes) rules. A Comic enthusiast, Sam makes friends with comic store clerks Edgar and Alan Frog (Corey Feldman and Jamison Newlander). The Frogs insist St. Carla is swarming with vampires, but Sam doesn’t believe them until Michael becomes involved with Star (Jami Gertz). Star, David (Kiefer Sutherland) and their pals sleep all day and party all night, and Michael is deceived into their wicked ways. When Sam tries to tell his Mother, he interferes with her new romance with video store owner Max (Edward Herrmann).

Well, its been twenty years, so I don’t remember what kind of reception The Lost Boys received at the box office, but the cast was at the time all-star. Some like the Coreys have fallen to drugs and the pressures of fame, but in the late eighties and early nineties they were the Tom Cruise of teen flicks. Hits like License To Drive and Dream A Little Dream catapulted the Coreys to fame. Likewise Kiefer Sutherland was making an early mark in films with bad guy roles here and in Stand By Me (One Corey was in that one, Feldman.) The Lost Boys succeeds because its well rounded cast gives a feeling of realism. Unlike pretty vampire films like Interview With The Vampire and Underworld, this teen vampire gang and the boys in its web have parents, jobs, and authority with which to deal.

When summarizing the story, there isn’t much beyond the usual vampire fair. Someone is suspected of being a vampire, someone is a vampire, vampire gets good guy under his spell, conflicted vampire helps in big vampire overthrow finale. Whew. The Lost Boys has all of this, but Schumacher finds the line between taking the film to seriously and being able to laugh at itself. Memorable scenes from all the actors showcase each’s range, and the script offers lovely moments of humor and real life to keep the vampires in perspective. From Corey Haim’s bathtub serenade to pot smoking Grandpa’s insistence that ‘If you have a TV Guide, you don’t need a TV.’, The Lost Boys keeps it light without becoming ridiculously humorous like forgettable eighties vampire flicks Once Bitten or My Best Friend Is A Vampire.

Where its needs to be light, The Lost Boys plays up the Coreys, but when the film turns dark, it can get very dark, even frightening. Naturally, Kiefer Sutherland and his biker brood seem alluring to Michael at first, but after David’s true nature is revealed to him, things become very hazy. The infamous ‘Maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots’ can be funny, but the ambiguous imagery and haunting pop score add a dark undercurrent to the film. When the vampire killing begins and the blood sucking action goes all out, its very easy for the audience to root for Sam and The Frog Brothers’ rescue of Michael, the tormented vampire Star, and the peculiar child vampire Laddie.

There’s no doubt that in 1987, The Lost Boy’s style and effects were at the forefront of Hollywood. Even with restoration to DVD, today these vampire action scenes can look, well, hokey. The flying vampire scenes seem artsy and avante guarde like other colorful Schumacher films, and the vampire booby traps don’t seem as inventive as they did then. But of course, if anyone else tried filling a bathtub with garlic and holy water, everyone would know it was copied from The Lost Boys. Just like the scene in which Sam and The Frog brothers try and prove Max is a vampire by putting mirrors about the dinner table, many of the hijinks here made a stamp on the vampire genre. It doesn’t mean they are perfect today, but that’s not the point either.

Vampire fans looking for more story than CGI should pick up The Lost Boys on DVD. The single disc is affordable and the more recent Two Disc Special Edition carries its fair share of extras-including the standard deleted scenes, commentaries, and documentary features. Younger fans who enjoy the stylized Underworld type might not like Boys, but if given the chance, new audiences will relate and appreciate what’s trying to be said. Rated R, The Lost Boys has sexuality, violence, and scares that are too heavy for tweens or younger. If you have a spooky youngin, edited airings of The Lost Boys can be found on cable. The important thing is to not let the idea of older production values hinder your viewing experience. The Lost Boys is a must for any budding vampire enthusiast.

DVD Review: Wolf Creek

2008-11-25T13:06:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

We bought Wolf Creek not knowing anything about the film besides what the blurb on the back cover. 3 friends go exploring in the Australian outback, and bad things ensue. That’s good enough for me!

It took a few minutes adjusting to the Australian accents and dialogue, but the exotic locale is part of the film’s charm. (Close captioned subtitles that include birds chirping are not, but I digress.) Debut director Glenn McLean shoots some lovely Outback scenery and landscapes. His setup, attention to detail, and real characters give Wolf Creek that road trip coming of age feel. This mood and the fact that Wolf Creek is based on true events help the film achieve more than today’s other run of the mill slasher flicks.

When British vacationers Liz and Kristy (Cassandra Magrath, Kestie Morassi) set out to see the Wolf Creek Crater Park with Aussie friend Ben (Nathan Phillips) all seems fun. After the breathtaking experience of hiking the crater, the trio finds their car dead. Low and behold, the seemingly lovable Mick(John Jarratt) comes along and offers to help the stranded tourists. Of course, Mick has a penchant for automotive torture not seen since the likes of Leatherface and his chainsaw. All the horror clichés are here. You’re not supposed to follow the creepy Bushman in the middle of the Australian desert, just like you aren’t supposed to go down the into the dark basement. We know something bad awaits this group, but we are captivated and eagerly watch the doom unfold. Naturally I’ve never heard of any of these people, but the acting is spot on.

Two girls and one guy-they are all friends, but there’s naturally some sexual tension. In the opening scenes, all three party and have questionable encounters. They are real and complete people, and it is totally refreshing to see Mclean take the time to develop them as such. Somehow we expect all three to make it, and when they don’t, it’s heartbreaking. The audience knows it’s all a bad idea. You yell at the TV the whole time-telling Liz to find a damn weapon. You know they cannot possibly escape, but the sadistic fortress of Mick is enough to make you root for anyone. Get the heck out of there!

McLean writes, directs, and produces his debut here. He makes expert use of the Australian locales-yes for their stunning beauty, but also for their wildness and danger. Many parts of Australia remain unexplored, so indeed this true story of a sadistic Crocodile Dundee gone wild is absolutely believable. Like Hannibal Lector or even the real life Natalie Holloway mystery-I can suspect something like this happened to her. This reality is more terrifying then any pretend monster. I feel bad for the tourism authorities in Australia. If I ever go there I sure as heck won’t be straying from Sydney.

Wolf Creek scares the outback out of us just like Deliverance squealed us away from the south.I purchased the unrated DVD, so I am unsure where it differs from the limited theatrical release. I’m also not sure which version was screened at Sundance, where McLean was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize. I can imagine more gore and offensive language is added, but even then the obscenities aren’t extreme. These Aussies seem to use the f-bomb more than most, but I would too in their situation. Even Mick’s gore house isn’t loaded with excessive blood and body parts. Kristy wears enough blood and staggers just enough to imply bodily harm-and Mick’s talk of rubbers grimly sums that up for us. Just enough leftovers adorn his lair. With Wolf Creek, again it’s what you don’t see that makes it stand out and rise above.

Not for the faint of heart or children by any means, Wolf Creek is for fans of the beautiful and the horrid-if that makes any sense. If you can’t remember the last time you saw an intelligent horror film, then Wolf Creek is a must see.

DVD Review: Pieces

2008-11-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

1981, Directed by Juan Piquer ( J P Simon) Starring Christopher George, Edmond Purdom, Linda Day George, Paul Smith and Jack Taylor. DVD by Grindhouse releasing.

Hot on the heels of their groundbreaking Cannibal Holocaust DVD comes a restored and remastered version of one of the sickest splatter films of the 80’s, Pieces. This was one of the last bloodbaths to play on 42^nd Street. What it lacks in continuity, it more than makes up for in outrageous bloodletting.

A chainsaw wielding killer is decimating girls at a private school. The killer takes little souvenirs of his victims. Who is the killer? The hulking gardener? The Dean? A deranged student? Or maybe one of the girls? I’ll never tell.

This is a two disc set with some excellent extras. A shitload of trailers, liner notes by noted gorestorian Chas. Balum, great interviews with director Juan Piquer and Paul Smith. The Smith interview is worth the price of this set. It is one of the best that I have ever seen and Paul covers almost his entire career here. How he broke into the business in Exodus. How he fought in the Six Day War. He also covers how he was cast in Popeye, Dune, Midnight Express, Sonny Boy and many others.

This may be my pick for the best DVD release of 2008. It is a must have for many reasons. The transfer is excellent and it’s the uncensored version. Kudos to Grindhouse Releasing for this one.

Låt den rätte komma in (Let The Right One In)

2008-11-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

Review by Ray Dowaliby

Directed By Tomas Alfredson

Visually stunning, eerie, emotional, bloody and better off left alone. These are my 2 cents.

I've heard quite a lot about John Ajvide Lindqvist's Vampire screenplay and thought that the film couldn't possibly live up to my own anticipation. I was sadly mistaken. Oskar has to deal with the daily ridicule an average outcast has to take on a daily basis in the hell we call the school system. Like most of us geeks he dreams of doing his tormentor in.

Then he meets Eli. We see the awakening in him and it just sucks you in from there. I don't want to give away any real story points but this is not True Blood or Twilight. This is a film that reminds me of Kubrick or even Cronenberg. Every frame is shot with intense subtlety, if there is such a thing. The pace is more in the vein of Kubrick with the stylization of Cronenberg, and the delivery from every actor in the film is more than convincing.

Now...I urge everyone interested to watch this film in it's original Swedish form. There is no need to miss this and wait for the American remake. This is a stand alone, incredible film. I'm not saying don't see the remake but support the original.

I give this film my highest rating and look forward to comparing the original with the remake. If J.J. Abrahms and Matt Reeves have a hand in it, well....I think it might have a chance.

DVD Review: Disturbia

2008-11-15T16:16:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

On the Memorial Day matinee whim, we took in the teen thriller Disturbia. Only a handful of folks were in the theater, and the show’s PG-13 rating had me thinking second thoughts. Can you make a quality horror film in this day and age without a solid amount of blood, gore, sex, and language? While not for the hard core creature feature enthusiast, Disturbia fits the bill for its targeted teen audience.

Troubled teen Kale (Shia LeBeouf) is still struggling with his father’s death one year after the fatal car accident. Teachers and even Mom Julie (Carrie Ann Moss) can’t seem to reach Kale, and after things get violent with his Spanish teacher, Kale is forced to spend his summer under house arrest-ankle bracelet and all. With no TV or video games, Kale has a tough time with his inbound status-until he begins observing his neighborhood. The ruthless tots on his block, the affair across the street, the new cutie Ashley (Sarah Roemer) next door- Kale and his best pal Ronnie (Aaron Yoo) begin to suspect lawn mowing neighbor Robert (David Morse) of being the serial killer on the news. When Robert takes an interested in his mom, Kale takes his voyeurism to the next level.

Two problems with Disturbia right off the bat. One, I really hope kids don’t try at home what they see in this movie. The high tech binoculars, camera set ups, internet instructions, etc. are not meant to be emulated, but must serve as the technical means for Kale’s plans. Second, the bi polar storyline works for and against Disturbia. On one hand, the film is an excellent coming of age story-even if it is the trouble teen, issues, yada yada cliché we’ve all seen before. But in addition to this very real and well played drama, we have Kale’s mission to find evidence against his psychotic neighbor. Which storyline is meant to dominate? If Director D.J. Caruso (Taking Lives) isn’t sure, how can the audience be?

Written by Christopher B. Landon and Carl Ellsworth, Disturbia spends most of its time on Kale’s coming to terms with his situation. The lengthy establishments in the beginning don’t feel like such, but not everything put down is fully explored either. In order to spy on Ashley, Kale must venture into his dead father’s office. We have one sad, reflective scene, but soon after Kale is timing his watch and bringing in the popcorn. It wouldn’t be so bad if we have character and development, then move on to the scary bits, but the two stories are interweaved together. Kale spies, Ashley wanders over, they spy, Kale and Ashley fight, Kale and Ronnie go to creepy neighbor’s house, Kale and Ashley make up…Oiy! If Disturbia was fifty percent boy meets girl then fifty percent save mom from killer perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. Unfortunately, its not, and I’m unclear the point Caruso and company are trying to make. These storylines should have been two separate films. I mean, what really, do they have to do with each other?

Disturbia’s bright spot, however, is the cast. Carrie Ann Moss is somewhat wasted, and after such success in The Matrix I wonder why she took such a thankless role? Still her wit is on form, and the relationship with Kale works. I had no clue who he was before Disturbia but LeBeouf was everywhere at the theater, in the Transformers trailer and possibly the new Indiana Jones film. The chemistry with newcomer Sarah Roemer is there, and it was a pleasant change to see an Asian in the best friend role-even if the sidekick part is also thankless. Action veteran David Morse (The Rock, The Long Kiss Goodnight) is perfect as the murderous neighbor. Disturbia would be unwatchable if Robert was unbelievably played. Morse sells the mid life crisis charismatic psycho. Imagine what the cast could have done if they had a clear plot in mind.

The cast keeps each scene watchable, you like them and root for the positive outcome, but the pace of Disturbia is as uneven as its bipolar stories. We get a voyeuristic suspense scene with shades of Rear Window followed by a teen angst scene more like Can’t Hardly Wait. Deathly crimes with a crazy neighbor won’t wait for midnight confessions. Its unrealistic and jerks you out of what little rhythm is established.

Disturbia doesn’t have the gore young audiences have made popular with the likes of Saw or Hostel. Its the sets and looks that fit the mood of the film. Disturbia takes itself seriously, which makes it one step above Eerie, Indiana. Parents needn’t worry about dropping the kids off at the theater for this one, and maybe this would be a nice DVD to pick up for a family night in a few months. Unless you have a child prone to house arrest with nothing to do, Disturbia is a fine teen thriller. Young folks will take the action, babes, and chills for what its worth, but there’s little in Disturbia to disturb.

DVD Review: The Ninth Gate

2008-11-15T16:09:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

I liked Pirates of The Caribbean- when I finally saw it. Although Johnny Depp was an eighties and nineties teen idol through vehicles like 21 Jump Street and Cry Baby, I am bemused to see his face on book bags, toys, even waffles in Captain Jack fame. Despite his recent family friendly pictures, Depp’s body of work lends itself to the macabre and dark with films like Sleepy Hollow, Edward Scissorhands, Corpse Bride and mature features such as Blow and From Hell. In 1999, the talented Mr. Depp starred in The Ninth Gate. Not for Pirate fans, indeed.

Oscar winning director Roman Polanski directs Depp as Nick Corso-a rare book dealer whose reputation precedes him. Corso is summoned by Boris Balkin (Frank Langella) to inspect his collection of rare books on the devil-in particular the Nine Gates of The Kingdom of Shadows. Only Three exist, and Balkin fears two are forgeries. He commissions Corso to go to Europe and compare the books-finances are no object.

During his investigation, Corso questions the “dishy” Widow Telfer (Lena Olin). Her rich old husband sold her Nine Gates to Balkan one day before he killed himself, and Telfer even takes Corso to bed in her quest to reclaim the book. Corso’s life is threatened repeatedly, and after Corso meets with the other two owners of the Nine Gates, death follows. A mysterious woman (Emmanuelle Seigner) helps Corso and they solve the puzzles within the books’ engravings. When all nine of the original engravings-supposedly drawn by Lucifer- are united, the devil himself will appear.

The film opens brilliantly with the suicide of Mr. Telfer. It’s an odd way to start a film-to begin with death- but Polanski’s opener works. The opening credits and score by Wojciech Kilar (The Pianist, Bram Stoker’s Dracula) are equally haunting, and everything in the film truly progresses from this moment. Depp’s first scene as Corso is also delightful. He scams a family out of a rare book set, and thus Polanski and Depp instantly establish the lack of Corso’s innocence. Corso starts out as greedy, selfish, ambitious, but he soon becomes obsessed with the Nine Gates.

Depp’s mannerisms and dress also swiftly convey his duality and the duel nature of evil itself. He knows all the top European hotels, dresses fine, speaks French-there’s no doubt of Corso’s intelligence. He is however devious, an underbelly scam artist-when Corso’s only friend dies, Nick takes the hidden Nine Gates and leaves his friend strung up and dead. The three owners of the Nine Gates are incredibly wealthy and fortunate, and Polanski reiterates the idea that the devil is luxorius, tempting, enticing and you must sell your soul to obtain such powers. As Nick comes closer to the truth about the Nine Gates, Depp’s appearance changes. He gets dirty, wet, beat up. He wears broken glasses. His refined exterior is stripped away, and Corso’s true nature is revealed.

Some parts of The Ninth Gate are very heavy and dark. Depp’s quirky sarcasm, however, keeps the feel light. The film is set mostly in Europe, giving it that devilish, upscale feel. The use of foreign language is accurate-it’s nice to see a director that acknowledges not everyone everywhere speaks English. The locales are beautifully showcased, and this use of real locations reinforces the spooky possibilities of the film. The books and buildings are old, very old, ancient, ancient as evil.

For a relatively quiet foreign production, The Ninth Gate also boasts several well known supporting names. Frank Langella and Lena Olin are perfect as the rich, classy, aging gracefully socialites worshipping the devil. Each thinks his or her interpretation of the Nine Gates will summon the devil-some of the craziness they go to for their beliefs is a bit humorous, but Polanski and the old school actors expertly convey a level of real life creepiness. Both Balkin and Telfer point fingers at each other’s money and power, and the audience is left with the creepy notion that we must all play with fire, candles, orgies, and pentagrams to achieve success.

Barbara Jefford as the third Gates owner Barroness Kessler is the lone voice of relative reason. She warns Corso the devil isn’t child’s play, and she left the secret society surrounding the Nine Gates after the club degraded to sex, drugs, and rock n roll. Unfortunately, the Baroness-like the previous respectable owners of the Nine Gates before her-meets a bitter end.

Although the intelligence of the film is in its puzzles and performances, the action leaves something to be desired. The deaths are unique and impressive, but Depp’s not an action star-at least not here. This supports the idea that Corso is a bit of a slimeball, but it makes a few stunts seem somewhat silly. It’s ironic that Corso is the guy we’re rooting for. As naughty as he is, he’s the good guy compared to Balkin and Telfer. Corso appeals to the audience with intelligence and emotion and relatability-Nick is the closest one to a normal guy.

The engravings and picture puzzles in the film are also extremely smart, and they look authentic to the viewer. More than just the hidden pictures found in Highlights, Depp sniffs the paper and ruffles the pages-he takes the research approach to the Nine Gates. First time audiences will double take at the scenes featuring the sketches up close. The calculations in the book can only be appreciated with repeated viewings.

It took me several viewings to fully realize the mysterious woman helping Corso. Billed only as “The Girl”, Polanski cast his wife in the ambiguous part. Everywhere he goes, Corso spots the girl appearing and disappearing. Whose side is she on? Corso never has to tell her anything, yet she knows everything about the Nine Gates-and she wears odd socks. Corso names her Green Eyes, and what little special effects found in The Ninth Gate center around this woman. Pay attention to those eyes. The first time I saw The Ninth Gate, I thought the girl was an angel.

I don’t know much about Polanski’s exile due to his charges in the US. I didn’t make it through his Oscar winning turn for The Pianist, and off hand I can only recall Rosemary’s Baby and Chinatown. From my limited examples, however, it seems as if Polanski is an actor’s director. Along with his Best Director Oscar, he brought a Best Actor performance from Adrian Brody for The Pianist, and since The Ninth Gate, Depp has gone on to an Oscar nomination himself.

The Ninth Gate benefits greatly from its source novel by Spanish writer Arturo Pérez-Reverte. All the movie’s smarts lead to a triple decker spiffy ending. Is it Telfer’s orgy that brings about the Prince of Darkness or Balkin’s fire and brimstone? The revelation discovered by Corso is unexpected, and it leaves the audience thinking about The Ninth Gate long after it’s over.

With an R rating, this DVD or video is not meant for children or the prudish. Although the film is thoroughly about the devil, The Ninth Gate is a tale about caution and evil, not like great yet indulgent films such as The Devil’s Advocate. Still, religious audiences may be offended by the ritualistic scenes and the nature of the Nine Gates book.

For macabre yet stylized film fans, The Ninth Gate is a must have with repeat viewings. Fortunately, the film is slightly foreign, a few years old, and just right for the bargain bin. Perfect for a devilishly good night at home.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

2008-11-14T11:10:00.000-08:00

Review by Fallon

How much you're going to love Repo! The Genetic Opera might have something to do with how much you like Evanescence. Or if you're just willing to own up to all your guilty pleasures, without shame and remorse, and, if you go see Repo! with your friends, no conscience for their own enjoyment. That being said, of the five people I saw Repo! with, I was one of two that dug it.

The movie is going to bring the snark, and that's what you have to accept. In fact, I might even pity someone who takes this movie seriously and loves it with zero irony. Regardless, let's start with the good. And the plot.

Set in the near-future, GeneCo has a monopoly on the organ transplant business. The only problem is people can't afford all the transplants they're buying. Here in comes GeneCo's Repo Man, to slice these bill-skipping degenerates up and reclaim their organs. On the peripheral is Shilo Wallace, a shut-in seventeen year old, and her father, the Repo Man himself (unbeknownst to her). On the GeneCo side of the story, we've got a power struggle as the GeneCo founder, Rotti Largo (Paul "the man" Sorvino) wonders which if his jackass children he should leave the company to – Luigi (Bill "ChopTop" Moseley), Pavi (Nivek "Skinny Puppy" Ogre) or Amber Sweet (Paris "Power Bitch/Sex Tape Extraordinaire" Hilton).

Now for the good.

You'll like the opening title sequence. And for that matter, the film's climax. The last thirty minutes of the movie really roll.

There is great gore. For a lot of horror fans, I think this could be enough to save the movie. That, and the undeniable originality of what director Darren Lynn Bousman has done here. Also, Terrance Zdunich, the Repo! writer, who also has a pretty sexy (or very sexy) role as the Grave Robber, has probably stepped up to be someone to watch for from now on.

Paris Hilton fucking KILLS in this movie. Personally, I love the "House of Wax," remake, find it perfectly campy, and think Paris would be genius to keep doing stuff in this niche. Bousman says he himself had skepticism even letting Paris read for the part, until he was totally slayed by her audition.

In fact, all the Largo siblings steal scenes. Moseley is expectedly awesome, but Nivek Ogre almost steals scenes out from under him. Check it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6KvKajYenE.

Here's the bad. Please dwell, if you will, on the word "Opera" in this title. Nearly all of this film is in song, and nearly all of the songs sound the same. Some work, others – like Shilo's rebellion song against her dad, a real Avril Lavigne inspired number – are just the pits. I lost count of the times where the majority of the audience had their head in their hands at what seemed like pure embarrassment at either bad lyrics, bad scoring or off-beat acting.

I don't think there's any worth in saying Repo! fails at times from plain, old melodrama. That might be missing the movie's point. But something's off. Maybe it's the complete sincerity every character operates under, that make characters like Shilo, seem completely without wit. I'm willing to turn a blind eye and write off a lot of things as fun-bad, but Repo! can get so monotonous that it has forays into BAD-bad.

Everything being said, Repo! is the sort of horror-hybrid best suited for open minded fans. If your number one priority when watching a horror movie is to be a hard-on for movies from the 70s, then just accept this one isn't for you, and stay away. This isn't striving to impress the hardcore fan base with a misplaced legitimacy, or posturing as anything other than what it is. And what it is… is a musical. With a ton of blood, cyberpunk costumes, fresh story, and dark atmosphere. Guaranteed better than Sweeney Todd, but maybe not the cult movie you hoped for.

DVD Review: Rob Zombie's Halloween

2008-11-12T15:50:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

I’ve been mulling over my thoughts on Rob Zombie’s new Halloween remake for days. After finally taking in the horror update at the matinee, my feelings remain mixed. This version of Halloween is not for everyone.

A host of familiar faces appear for musician turned director Zombie’s fourth feature film. Zombie’s wife Sherrie Moon stars as Deborah Myers, a stripper struggling with a drunkard abusive man, slutty teen daughter, and young son Michael-who likes to torture small animals. After one too many taunts and insults, masked Mike kills the school bully and murders his family on Halloween. Psychologist Samuel Loomis (Malcolm McDowell) works with Mike Myers at a mental institution, but when he breaks free 15 years later, its up to Loomis to stop Mike from repeating his Halloween rampage- and finding his now grown baby sister Laurie (Scout-Taylor Compton).

Zombie’s remake both rises and falls on the actors involved. Moon is perfect as the do gooder stripper mom, and young Mike Myers actor Daeg Faerch is also stunning. His silent looks and creepy eyes sell the sociopathy of young Mike. The strength of the film is in its extended opening sequences. Unlike John Carpenter’s original 1978 Halloween, we have the time to explore what makes Mike do what he does, how it effects his mother and others around him.

I would have preferred the movie stay this way, but unfortunately we jump to teenage Laurie and her friends dying in gruesome, sexy ways. These boys and girls are a dime a dozen, and after the build up of unusual attachment to Mike Myers, the audience cares little for these expendable boobs. Compton cries, screams, and makes all the wrong moves for a horror movie. Not only is she a far cry from Jamie Lee Curtis, but this girl looks ugly when she wails.

The supporting cast helps give Halloween its edge more than the sex and nudity. Brad Dourif as Sheriff Lee Brackett and Danny Terjo as Orderly Cruz give a sense of credibility to the production, and perhaps Zombie should have again veered from the original film and brought more to these adults. Perhaps it would be intriguing to see how adults respond to the sex and death these teens put up with, how an adult would deal with the psycho killer. Sybil Danning and Dee Wallace are also used all too briefly in key scenes that are surprisingly well scripted.

Zombie veers none from the essential elements established in the original Halloween script penned by Carpenter and Debra Hill, yet the redressed ending leaves much to be desired. Where the extra Michael opening was oddly fascinating, I couldn’t wait for the Laurie versus Mike Myers ending to be over. Overlong, near constant screaming in dark dirty places, Zombie is certainly appealing to slasher fans of yore, but mainstream audiences won’t be impressed.

Rated R for lots of language, sex, and nudity, Halloween offers little scares or gore. Zombie shoots odd angles and plays with light versus dark effects, but in a franchise where this is essentially the ninth film, there’s little to spook anyone. I suspect its more about what looks cool or sexy-even though I didn’t find anything particularly sexy either. It’s a horror movie. You do it, you’re done in! Our theater showing had about twenty people, and I wasn’t the only one voicing predictions or commenting how stupid the characters seemed.

Zombie should have taken Halloween more on the dark psyche established, instead the film deteriorates into fan boy sex and visuals. Certainly there’s an audience for that, but Halloween had more intelligent potential than just a slasher movie. Pity.

DVD Review: The Visitation

2008-11-12T15:45:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

The cover looked cool and it was quasi religious-that’s how we came to purchase The Visitation. Edward Furlong and Kelly Lynch star in the 2006 Independent thriller from director Robby Henson and novelist Frank Peretti.

Martin Donovan stars as Travis, a minister who has lost his faith since his wife’s murder. Fellow minister Kyle (Randy Travis) encourages Travis to get involved when strange sightings around the quiet town of Antioch occur. Mysterious prophetic men appear and disappear, and new veterinarian in town Morgan (Kelly Lynch) is healed. Her rebellious son Michael (Noah Segan) quickly falls under this powerful spell after a freaky near fatal car accident. When Brandon Nichols (Edward Furlong) finally arrives in Antioch, all the women in town fall into his group. But to Travis and atheist Morgan, Brandon is not the messiah he appears to be.

It wasn’t Furlong’s ambiguous portrayal that spooked me, but his here and there again disciples are the freakiest things since Julian Sands in Warlock. They kill Travis’ dog only to resurrect it; they give words of wisdom around town-not the help the people of Antioch, but to sway them in Brandon Nichols’ favor. When the trio stake’s out Morgan’s home , the window apparitions are downright creepy. My bed is currently next to my window, so the thought of sadistic long haired demonic angels pacing a foot away from my head definitely gave me a few bad dreams. Well…okay nightmares so bad I woke up with my heart pounding. Not a lot of films can do that!

Edward Furlong’s acting as the second coming in The Visitation, however, leaves much to be desired. He’s good at being bad, but Furlong doesn’t sell the charismatic leader well. He’s known as a Hollywood bad boy, so right from the start we know Brandon’s up to no good. After his true intentions are revealed, Furlong does little to gain sympathy for his character. His acting hasn’t grown much beyond Terminator 2: Judgment Day, but director Henson (Thr3e) smartly focuses elsewhere. Furlong isn’t the star of the film, Travis Jordan is. We relate to his story far better, and Donovan (Weeds) shows his angst well. We know his vibe; because he thinks something is fishy, so do we. Likewise, we understand Kelly Lynch and Morgan’s struggle and doubts. Traditional fans or country enthusiasts might wish to tune in for Randy Travis. The crooner’s portrayal of the Billy Graham like Pentecostal leader in town is steadfast as the voice of reason in Antioch. His character is integral to the film, and perhaps there should be a touch more of him.

The convoluted story in The Visitation, however, does need some fine tuning. We receive Nichols’ back story a little too late, but it’s double tied and redundant. We are meant to sympathize with him, but the herky jerky abuse flashbacks don’t plant the seed well enough for us to imagine the horrors endured. It’s as if screenwriter Brian Godawa thought something on Nichols was needed, but I’m not so sure it was.

Initially I thought this was a horror movie, so I was surprised to find it online in a Christian catalogue. Henson’s movie is about the awesome, tempting, too good too be true power of the devil, the costs of said power, and the dark half of human nature that Satan needs. Looking all bad and Warlocked on the outside, The Visitation is really a very serious religious film about faith. The moral dilemmas in The Visitation are swift and complex. Morgan is the anti-Christian who is saved by the Bible given to her from Kyle Sherman. When Travis is tempted by Nichols in his cultish revival tent, it’s incredibly easy to give in. Everyone else has, but Travis holds fast to his supposedly lost faith. Even when he discovers his wife’s murder is directly involved with Nichols’ plan, Travis does the right thing. Brandon Nichols, unfortunately, puts his faith in Satan and his spooky angels.

I would also label The Exorcist as a quasi religious film like The Visitation. As is the case here, we witness the deceiving power of the Prince of Darkness. Both films are equal parts horror and religion. Where The Exorcist scares you witless, The Visitation wins on what you can’t see. Contemporary Christian teens will love the struggles in The Visitatio and perhaps its source novel. The mock crucifixions, however, are too frightening for kids or prudes. The point here is your religious choice. Could Nichols have chosen Christ over the Devil? The Visitation makes the audience think on this also. Can we?

With precious little effects and solid acting, Henson puts out a serious moral film just as much along the lines of Elmer Gantry and The Apostle as The Exorcist. Henson could have easily created an effects laden gory, all the stops out, wow is the devil show. Thankfully, he didn’t. The Visitation is for horror fans, religious groups, devout young adults, and all the skeptics alike. Regardless of where you’re coming from, The Visitation is worth the watch-and the nightmares.

DVD Review: The Hitcher

2008-11-07T12:22:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Who didn’t love to hate Sean Bean when the English actor first came onto the US radar in 1992’s Patriot Games? Following with another villainous turn in the initial Pierce Brosnan Bond flick Goldeneye (1995), it is no wonder American audiences didn’t begin to appreciate the versatile actor until Bean’s understated performance as the ill-fated Boromir in The Lord of The Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring.

Always popular overseas as Napoleonic hero Richard Sharpe in the British television series of the same name, Sean Bean’s most recent high profile American picture was this winter’s The Hitcher, a remake of the 1986 Rutger Hauer yarn about a psychotic hitchhiker who trails innocents and frames them for his crimes. Directed by famed music video helmsman Dave Meyers, The Hitcher boasts production support from mega action chairman Michael Bay (Armageddon, The Rock) and Matthew Cohan-who also fronted the edgy and popular remakes of The Amityville Horror and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (as well as the sci-fi flick The Island-also starring Bean). Unfortunately, The Hitcher failed to further shiver mid January movie going audiences. Incredibly short at under 1 hour 25 minutes, The Hitcher might have been over priced for theaters. Do however, look for the recent DVD release in your video store’s sale bin.

Now back to Sean Bean. Despite being a horror enthusiast, I wouldn’t have picked up The Hitcher for rising stars Sophia Bush or Zachary Knighton. Even cult favorite Neal McDonough (Star Trek: First Contact) was a pleasant surprise, but I won’t kid you-I bought The Hitcher for the 48 year old Bean. Once considered by fans as the most beloved Hauer film, The Hitcher now belongs to Sean Bean.

The Hitcher’s story begins when college cuties Grace Andrews (Bush) and Jim Halsey (Knighton) take off across the American Southwest for Spring Break-in a classic 442 no less. Unfortunately, after encountering seemingly pedestrian hitchhiker John Ryder (Bean), their lives quickly turn to carnage, terror, and high speed pursuit. Ryder initially attacks the couple, but they manage to escape him- only to find he has killed others and is framing them for his rampage. New Mexico State Police Lieutenant Eldridge (McDonough) pursues Grace and Jim-who look more and more like the killers with every turn.

I have to admit, I first though Sophia Bush to be one of President Bush’s daughters! Young starlets are so interchangeable in Hollywood today, and the B horror flick is often where new names perfect their death scene antics. The One Tree Hill star does hold her own here in the otherwise all male cast. Of course she looks the pretty for the part, but Bush carries an untraditional edge and non-blonde bimbo look that fits the ballsy chick here. Nothing against TV guester Zachary Knighton, but his performance was a dime a dozen. Screenwriter Eric Red was smart to turn this version’s focus on Grace-as opposed to the original’s hold on C. Thomas Howell’s Halsey. It’s 2007, yet Knighton’s look harkens back to the nineties grunge and skater style. I didn’t find it attractive then, and I certainly don’t believe this Jim will be the star of Spring Break any time soon. Whether it’s poor skill or by design, here Jim is a limp fish next to Bean’s Ryder.

While not exactly a sex symbol in the US in his day, Bean’s psycho turn here is nonetheless the most attractive thing in The Hitcher. Yes he’s older now, and well, he does have a big nose, but Bean’s command of these college kids is evident from the moment they almost hit him on the road. The complexity of Ryder-who is he? Where does he come from? What does he want?- is more interesting than seeing if Grace and Jim make it. It’s a horror flick-we know someone isn’t going to survive-but in some part of the back of your mind, you want that tawdry ending where Ryder walks off into the sunset to nab another wayward couple.

Although I expected the film to be billed as ‘And Sean Bean as The Hitcher’, he is rightfully given top billing, followed by Sophia Bush. He’s twice her age-old enough to be her father-yet Bean and Bush (hee) have some interesting chemistry onscreen. Maybe as a woman it’s the fear of rape, or perhaps its my one to many viewings of Bean in the steamy Lady Chatterley, but I was routing for physical action between these two for the duration. You can’t have a rugged, mean Bean and a short skirted Bush without some rough potential. Meyer does give the audience a fine balance of hints and foreplay and lots of f-bombed dialogue. Kudos also to whoever decided to give Sheffield born and bred Sean an American accent. Knowing his true and definitely British accent is being hidden here adds to Ryder’s creepiness. If even that isn’t true about Ryder, what else is there lying there, waiting?

While I haven’t seen the Rutger Hauer version of The Hitcher in some time, the 2007 version reminds me more of Stephen Spielberg’s early road rage classic Duel. Bean’s performance is akin to Duel’s crazy and dubious tractor trailer more so than Hauer. For myself, Blade Runner is the creepy Hauer flick and Ladyhawke is my favorite of his films. Hauer’s most iconic moment in The Hitcher, however, now belongs to Sean Bean. The ‘late model black thunderbird’ car chase and shoot ‘em up has even my honey rooting for villainous Bean.

I’m a bit tired of remakes and sequels, and it’s a double edged sword to know The Hitcher is in Matthew Cohan’s line of horror revisits. On one hand, the story is very familiar, but then again, Cohan and his team have seemed to perfect the art of maintaining the best of the original and infusing it with modern filmmaking. The visuals and creative deaths in this Hitcher could not have been done in the eighties. Lighting, however, seems to suffer for Meyer’s fast paced music video style. Sometimes The Hitcher is almost too dark to see anything. Sure maybe it adds to atmosphere or mood, but we want to watch the action in the creepy desert jailhouse. Equally jarring is Meyer’s cuts to outside action. Beautiful open desert shots have even the actors noticeably squinting.

Another place The Hitcher misses more than hits is its somewhat low body count. Indeed perhaps it is even too short for its own horror/car chase genre. Near the end of the film, I found myself missing ensemble horror road trip films- where one by one the nobodys and bimbos are picked off. It might have been interesting to see Grace and Jim with a buddy couple who meets their end courtesy of John Ryder-or perhaps that scenario could have put the film beyond believability. The Hitcher is also partially undone with its over simple dialogue. Some of it is really great-Eldridge’s hick cop banter and Ryder’s ambiguous one liners bring humor and food for thought, but our couple utters too many cries along the lines of ‘What does he want? Why is he doing this?’. Even the bullseye gem ‘I’ll be back in 15 minutes’ makes a cameo.

Although The Hitcher came and went in theaters, I expected the DVD release to have more features than it does. There’s an up close segment on Knighton and his definitive bloodfest scene, plus a detailed behind the scenes look with the complete cast and crew. For fans who want to know the ins and outs of all the car stunts-here it is. I was, however, disappointed with the deleted scenes and alternate ending. Outtakes would have been a real treat, but instead we get four different versions of how one hotel room scene could have gone down. Indeed deleted scenes are usually deleted for a reason, and the way that hotel room scene is finalized in the film is the superior outcome. The alternate ending was a little over the top for theaters-as the cover promised-but not nearly as extreme as it could have been. The highlight of the features for me was Sophia Bush confessing she was really afraid of Sean Bean!

If you don’t like spooks, cars, and gore, then The Hitcher is not for you. Are there scarier and more gory horror films out there? More serious and hard core action, high speed thrillers? Of course, but you can’t find solid acting and character complexity in Jason X. Perhaps what is the creepiest thing about The Hitcher is that this kind of road rage can happen and does happen. This film is a must see for Sean Bean fans or Sophia Bush lovers. Perhaps the question is not to purchase this DVD, but rather what would you do if one of the S.B.s was thumbing for a ride on your street?

DVD Review: Psycho

2008-11-07T12:17:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

Everybody’s heard of Psycho-and like The Sixth Sense, even if you haven’t see it, most people nowadays know Psycho’s twist ending. Today’s visually desensitized young adults cannot fully appreciate Alfred Hitchcock’s 1960 masterpiece even though it has become the grand daddy of slasher films. Oft emulated but never equaled, Psycho needs to be re watched with vigor anew.

Anthony Perkins stars in the Hitchcock thriller as Norman Bates, a quiet and lonely young man who befriends Marion Crane (Janet Leigh) while she spends the night at the Bates Motel. Wishing for a respectable life with her boyfriend Sam Loomis (John Gavin), Marion steals $40,000 from her boss and sets out for California. Following Marion’s trail is her sister Lila (Vera Miles) and Detective Milton Arbogast (Martin Balsam). All come to suspect Norman, the Bates Motel, and Norman’s mother- the innocent Mrs. Bates.

Under Hitchcock’s direction Anthony Perkins plays Norman Bates to the T. Forever typecast by Hollywood and fans alike-we still can’t separate Perkins from Bates. The actor himself was conflicted and confused sexually, and Perkins gives this genuine emotional conflict to Norman. The way he cleans up after his mother, stays on in an empty motel-we feel bad for Norman the moment we meet him. Likewise Janet Leigh plays the good girl gone bad. Even though Marion’s at odds with the law, we open the film in the middle of her situation. We see her plan and prepare, yet we want her to get away with it. When Lila and Sam come calling for Marion-we root for them as well. We care for each, fear for them or of them-the audience relates to each character, regardless of their standpoint in the spectrum.

No one is filler or miscast. Even though Vera Miles has played the tough cookie in films like The Searchers and other early television westerns, and Janet Leigh the sweet tart in Bye Bye Birdie- the women are perfect as sisters. Even though Sam is Marion’s lover, we see him more with Lila. The underlying chemistry between Miles and Loomis hints at something more. As simple as Psycho can look on screen, everything from the actors to the props is multitasking.

Oscar winner and suspense king Hitchcock intentionally made the film black and white-a cringe worthy concept to today’s effects happy filmmakers. Using the film crew from his television series Alfred Hitchcock Presents and good old fashioned film making ingenuity like chocolate syrup for blood, Hitch stuck to Psycho’s $1 million budget. There are no effects to speak off, just swift camera angles and perfected lighting techniques. Multiple actors were used to keep up the illusion of Mrs. Bates, and the attention to detail regarding costumes, props, and sets is top notch. Psycho perfectly captures the early sixties in every detail. The bullet bras, poofy dresses, even Norman’s taxidermy isn’t taken for granted. Those stuffed birds, of course, allude to something else.

Based on the book Psycho by Robert Bloch, Psycho benefits greatly from sound source material and screenplay work by Joseph Stefano. It’s intelligent, yet light at parts. Innocent yet dark, modern imitators don’t have the psychological complexities of Hitchcock’s work. Today, some may find the story slow, but the first hour sets up the unraveling yet totally explained and satisfying ending. After Psycho premiered in theaters, Hitchcock demanded no one be seated after the start of the film in order to preserve the suspense. Every word is timed perfectly onscreen, every shot, every scene says something-not a frame is wasted in Psycho.

Several scenes in Psycho are so iconic and oft imitated or parodied that audiences forget the original. Gus Van Sant’s 1998 inferior and useless homage remake of Psycho stars Vince Vaughn and Anne Heche. The color recreation is almost a frame for frame imitation of Hitch’s original. Can you name another film that has that kind of backward flattery? Psycho’s infamous shower scene is genius in its editing, illusions, and it did for the bathroom what Jaws did for ocean swimmers.

Psycho and its score by Bernard Herrmann are the best music marriage since Gone With The Wind. Composer of other Hitchcock scores as well as Citizen Cane and The Day The Earth Stood Still, Herrmann’s haunting strings aren’t a hum-able tune, yet everyone knows the theme when he or she hears it. Herrmann’s score fits Hitchcock’s layered suspense and sixties mood. Long after you’ve watched Psycho you hear those strings in the shower and in your sleep.

Psycho’s undoing is its audience’s inability to forget and be surprised again. Today’s information hounds have been spoiled by sub par sequels like Psycho II (1983), Psycho III (1986) , and a prequel Psycho IV: The Beginning (1990). Unlike most low budget or obscure old flicks waiting to be rediscovered, the stalwart Psycho has never quite left the public eye. Despite previous acting prowess in Friendly Persuasion and Fear Strikes Out, Anthony Perkins will be forever associated with this role-Perkins played the alter ego Norman Bates nearly up until his death in 1992.

My VHS copy contains a short making of featurette. The set was fun, but Janet Leigh actually spent very little of the shoot with Perkins. Deeper documentaries on Hitchcock, Perkins, and the film are available and filled with trivia and antic dotes. Collectors should definitely upgrade to DVD for restored picture, sound, and additional documentaries and insights.

Deemed too gory, shocking, and risqué at the time, Psycho will not loose its iconic status-despite the popularity of gory, gimmicky, and quick fix films. Detailed, intelligent suspense thrillers will always have an audience. Psycho’s bonus is its duality-quiet, simplistic onscreen, yet complex and full of optical illusions.

I fear not only a lack of appreciation for fine horror films like Psycho, but also I wonder if modern teeny boppers and fans of bloody horror understand the nuances presented? While Psycho is gore free, the spooks might still scare kinds under 10. Truthfully anyone with a heart condition should avoid Psycho. If you’re new to classic films, old movies, or Alfred Hitchcock, Psycho is a must see. Study it and appreciate it thoroughly.

DVD Review: Elvira's Haunted Hills

2008-11-06T13:20:00.000-08:00

Review by Kristin Battestella

I may like many an obscure thing, but I’ve never had to explain to anyone who Elvira is. The buxom goth gal has made her cheeky presence know to audiences young and old for over twenty five years. Not just a relic of an over the top eighties heyday, the 2001 sequel Elvira’s Haunted Hills provides fun and scares to a modern audience.

Lost in the Carpathian mountains in 1851, Elvira (Cassandra Peterson) and her servant Zou Zou (Mary Jo Smith, Almost Perfect) hitch a ride with Dr. Bradley Bradley (Scott Atkinson) to the Castle Hellsubus. The creepy estate and its master, Lord Vladimere (Richard O’Brien) are trapped under the weight of the Hellsubus family curse. Tonight also happens to be the tenth anniversary of Elura Hellsubus’ death- and Vladimere’s first wife looks just like Elvira!

Naturally, the first thing you notice about Elvira’s Haunted Hills is the anachronistic style of Cassandra Peterson’s alter ego. It’s 1851 and yet Elvira’s still got the high hair, valley speech, and sexual innuendo that made her a cult favorite in 1983. Sometimes this doesn’t work, but the fun Peterson is having and the asides to the fourth wall allow the audience to laugh with Elvira because she can laugh at herself. This makes the viewer’s leap easy for the over the top characters of Dr. Bradley and Lady Ema Hellsubus (Mary Scheer, MadTV). Richard O’Brien (The Rocky Horror Picture Show) is above and beyond as well, but also very old fashioned and high styled like the Vincent Price classics of old.

Financed by Peterson’s own company and family and friends, Elvira’s Haunted Hills actually has some fine production values. The very informative behind the scenes feature on the DVD confesses director Sam Irvin’s (Dante’s Cove) love of the Roger Corman classics and the homage Haunted Hills is trying to reach. The castle set looks real enough and has that lofty, gothic style of its black and white predecessors. Some lines and sets are taken directly from The Pit and the Pendulum (1961) and The Tomb of Ligeia (1964) and the homages blend seamlessly with Elvira’s wit. She may be a valley ditz onscreen, but Peterson’s witty script and intelligent development of the character is what’s kept Elvira fresh all these years.

Haunted Hills was filmed on location in Romania, and many local cast and crew were employed. Although Peterson feared it would fail, one great dubbing gag allows for more humor and tribute to low budget Hollywood. Despite her busty persona and high slit skirt, Elvira’s Haunted Hills also has clever sexual quips and innuendos. The film’s PG-13 rating is poked at onscreen, and the mostly tame by today’s standards sex jokes won’t interfere with a tween or younger viewing.

Besides the equally funny Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988), there are many Elvira appearances. Some silly like I Love The 80s, but Elvira’s Macabre horror hosting gigs have also found their way to DVD-another great chance to introduce young folks to some great old time horror classics. If you have a macabre child in the making, Elvira’s Haunted Hills is a great way to give him (or her) something funny and something spooky that mature folks can enjoy, too.

DVD Review: Killer Shrews/Giant Gila Monster Double Feature

2008-11-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

Normally I’d be hard pressed to put over a formerly black & white film that had been colorized. I was one of the fanboy assholes who dropped $30 on the colorized Night of the Living Dead ( from Turner) and wanted to stick pencils in his eyes after seeing “green” zombies.

The nice people at Legend Films sent me this DVD & a few others that they colorized. These are the same people who are colorizing the Ray Harryhausen classics, so if Ray trusted them with his work, I figured that it would be worth my time to check them out.

I was pleasantly surprised . The colorization was very good. It was like one of those old lobby cards coming to life. The shrews actually looked scarier in color. The prints used weren’t the best, but retain that grainy grindhouse look that adds to the ambiance.

Legend has colorized versions of Devil Bat, Bride of the Monster, Phantom Planet, Last Man on Earth, Creature from the Haunted Sea, and Phantom from Space. Based on this double feature, I’ll be checking these out real soon. If you already don’t have copies of Shrews & Gila Monster, this is the one you should check out. Car fans take note, you will really dog the hot rods in the Giant Gila Monster. They really stand out with the colorization.

Zombie Strippers

2008-10-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008 Directed by Jay Lee. Starring Robert Englund & Jenna Jameson

I was prepared to hate this movie, but it was actually a lot of fun. It's in the future, Bush is in his 4th term, his VP is Arnold, we are fighting wars all over the world and strip clubs have gone underground. Someone has developed a "virus"and the army is called out to get rid of the flesh eating zombies it creates. Of course a soldier is bitten, then hides in an underground strip club run by Robert Englund. He bites stripper Kat (Jena Jameson). She comes back to life and two things happen: She dances better and is smarter dead than she was alive.

As a dead stripper, she is a hit and the money just rolls in. Problem is that she eats one of the patrons during a lap dance. Englund and crew lock up the re-animated pervs in a basement cell. The other strippers want to rake in the big bucks, so they all turn zombie. The club is packed, but the basement is rapidly filling up with lap dance victims.

This is a really funny movie. Some of the stuff is really over the top, especially the zombie stripper showdown in which Jenna fires cue balls out of her pussy, decapitating some patrons. As in real life, the dead strippers are a lot smarter than the guys who come to see them. Jenna is pretty good here and may have a career in B Movies after she finishes up in the jiz bizz.

Creature Feature : 50 Years of the Gill Man

2008-10-28T16:21:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

Directed by Matthew Crick, Written by Sam Borowski.

This is an excellent documentary about the most enduring of the Universal Monster, The Creature From the Black Lagoon. This is a must see for any Creature fan as it covers everything from it's conception to it's impact in pop culture today. I was truly amazed at the scope of it all and some of the little known facts that came out. The Creature was conceived by a woman artist, he was introduced to the world on the Colgate Comedy Show with Abbott & Costello, Glen Strange was originally offered the role, but turned it down because he couldn't swim, and so many more interesting facts.

The film has a few of the stars that were in the film, Ben Chapman, Julie Adams, Ginger Stanley and others. Included are interviews with Creature friends and fans like Benicio Del Toro, Daniel Roebuck, and Tom Savini. There are also interviews with Creature collectors, who scoured the world in search of rare Creature items. Rob Hauschild of Wildeye Releasings tell how many other films were influenced by the Creature.

The "star" of this doc would have to be Ben Chapman. Ben was one of the coolest people that I ever met during my tenure with a certain convention. Ben was a fine human being and just a great person to hang out with. Ben truly cherished his fans, many who became personal friends. There are clips of Ben's many appearances at conventions like Monster Bash and Monster Mania. A lot of us have great Bennie stories from hanging out with him.

I saw this film last Saturday night at a packed house. If your a fan of the Creature or just a fan of the genre in general, I urge you to see this film. I enjoyed the hell out of it and actually learned some little known facts. A must see!!

The Gates Of Hell

2008-10-27T16:56:00.000-07:00

Review by Sara

Directed by Kelly Dolen, starring Michael Piccirilli, Samantha Noble, Christian Clark, Bradley Tomlinson and Amy Beckwith. 2008.

The Gates Of Hell follows Kyle (Michael Piccirilli) and his four fellow filmmakers, as they set out to make an online interactive movie. Their location is the Von Diebitsch Manor, where they unknowingly become unwilling participants in their own film. The group discovers a tape recorder deep inside the bowels of the house.

As Kyle and his friends huddle around the tape recorder, they listen as John Behringer tells them the story of the Von Diebitsch Manor. Forty-two years ago, he and his wife abandoned their son behind the gates of Von Diebitsch Manor to a woman named Petra Von Diebitsch. She would take in children who were rejected by society and then inflict harm on them, brutally torturing them down in the cellar.

One by one Kyle's friends fall victim to Petra and her deformed "children." What the film lacks in character development and dialogue, it makes up for in kills. A little too darkly lit for my taste; we are still able to appreciate disembowelments, skull crushings and pretty good makeup effects.

Despite the low budget look and feel of the film, I still enjoyed it. I thought that the plot was original, even though you can clearly see the influences of George Romero's Diary Of the Dead, The Hills Have Eyes and Evil Dead.

Squeal

2008-10-27T16:52:00.000-07:00

Review by Sara

Directed by Tony Swansey, starring Kevin Oestenstad, Allison Batty, Stephen Dean and Joe Burke. 2008.

An Indy rock band is on their way to their next gig, when they become stranded on a country road, in the middle of nowhere. When they take refuge in an old barn, they soon find out that they're not alone. The barn's inhabitants are a genetic experiment gone horribly, horribly wrong. The killers are half pig and half human. Think the Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets Deliverance, with a little bit of Wrong Turn 2 thrown in there. The film is a blood bath from start to finish, as the band members are held captive in the barn all night.

I loved this film. It was absolutely unrelenting in its scares, kills and gore. It is a rollercoaster ride and when it ends, it will leave you sick and squealing for more. A must, must see.

The Inglorious Bastards

2008-10-26T12:49:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

1978 - Directed by Enzo Castellari. Starring Bo Svenson, Fred Williamson, Jackie Basehart, and Ian Bannen. DVD by Severin Films

This release got a lot of hype as the film seems to have given Quentin Tarantino a woodie as he’s going to remake it. I had never seen it in the theaters and never had the desire to see it up until this point. Severin did a great job with the transfer and extras. I watched the film, which was pretty good, but the extras actually were better , especially the documentary, Train-Kept-A-Rollin’, where I actually learned a lot about Italian action film making.

Bastards is about a group of American prisoners being taken for sentencing. The convoy is strafed, killing most of the prisoners, but five escape. Being that the tagline is “ Whatever The Dirty Dozen Did, They Did it Dirtier”, you wonder why the film wasn’t called The Filthy Five. Oh, yeah, that’s a lost Andy Milligan film, sorry.

The five that survive are a Lieutenant( Svenson), a killer (illiamson), a mob guy, a forger/hustler, and a coward/mechanic. They decide to go to Switzerland to ride out the war. They find a German deserter and use him to get by the other Germans. This plan goes awry when they mistake a group of American commandos for real Germans. The deserter is killed and the commandos wiped out.

The French Resistance finds them and thinks they are the commandos. A Colonel Buckner arrives, a lot pissed off that his specialists have been killed. They were supposed to take out a train with a super bomb on board. The Lieutenant convinces Buckner that he and his boys can do the job. Now its all action as the “Bastards” take the train.

Castellari is one of great Italian action directors and “ The Inglorious Bastards “ is probably his most famous work. This is a three disc set . Like I said , the transfer is excellent, the extras are very cool and informative, and some of the key players share their thoughts about working on the film. This was Fred Williamson’s first Italian film. He said that he knew that he would be box office over here and did a lot more films in Italy. Svenson, on the other hand, said that he stayed too long in Italy and that caused his stock to drop in Hollywood.

To sum it up, this is a great set from Severin Films and I hope to see a lot more from them in the future.

Drive In Cult Classics: Volume 2

2008-10-26T12:45:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

Initially I thought that this was just a package of beat up PD prints. I was wrong as somebody took the time to find better prints and restore them. The films in this collection are The Hearse, Land of the Minotaur, The Creeping Terror, Bloodlust, Terrified, They Saved Hitler’s Brain, Madmen of Mandoras, & The Devil’s Hand.

To see how good these were, I picked the shittiest one in the bunch, The Creeping Terror. I had seen a really crappy print of this years ago. Almost the entire film is narrated as the soundtrack was “lost” . The monster, called a giant carpet in some reference books, actually doesn’t look bad here.

The monster looks a lot like a turtle with leaves sprouting out of it and a vagina for a mouth. It eats a lot of people, attacks a dance hall were people look really drunk. Check out the two old ladies getting hammered. When the creature attacks, a fist fight breaks out. The creature eats everyone at the dance hall, a squad of soldiers, then goes to lovers lane.

You see a lot more carnage in this print. The beast turns over a car and the passengers tumble out , bloody. The creature sucks them out of the car. The new Sheriff ( the old one got eaten) rams his car into the beast, killing it. They find out the monsters are portable labs that eat people and send the data to another planet to find our weaknesses. The scientist, who has been rendered a bloody mess, warns of a potential invasion down the road.

This film has never looked better and is actually watchable. There seems to be a lot more footage added to it and it’s a very clear print. Even though I haven’t watched the rest of the films, just based on what they did with The Creeping Terror, I would recommend this collection.

Exploitation Cinema Double Feature: Cemetery Girls and Vampire Hooker

2008-10-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

A great double feature ala grindhouse with trailers, snack bar commercials and a great double bill. Cemetery Girls is actually Count Dracula’s Great Love with Paul Naschy. I don’t know if this is the uncut version, but it starts out with a throat getting ripped out and an axe to the head before the credits roll.

Four women and one guy are stranded in a remote region in the Carpathians. The are told of a sanitarium , run by a crazy doctor ,by their driver before his head is caved in by one of the horse’s hooves. Of course they go to the place and meet the doctor , who is really Count Dracula.

The fun begins as the girls are bitten and get naked. Lots of lesbo action as two vampire girls double team their friend’s neck and other interesting parts of her anatomy. The dubbing is atrocious, the vampires are walking around in sunlight, the gore is extreme at times , and I enjoyed the hell out of

Vampire Hookers is the co feature , shot by Ciro Santiago and starring the immortal John Carradine.

You just have to love these trashy flicks shot in the Philippines. Two sailors on shore leave are looking for some pussy. They wander into a tranny bar by mistake. After a brawl in that lovely establishment, they hook up with a guy who might be an Admiral or something. A hot chic comes into the bar, the Admiral grabs her and she takes him to her place, the cemetery.

At this point any sane man would be mouthing WTF, but not this horny sailor. He follows her into the crypt, which is a pretty cool set, and thinks he is about to get busy. Unfortunately Carradine & his bevy of bodacious vamps show up and drain his fluids, not the fluids he expected.

His buddies go searching for him and find the cemetery. One finds his way into the crypt, but is seen by Vic Diaz , a servant to the coven. The two sailors are cornered and all seems hopeless until the sun rises. This is for laughs as no one could take any of this seriously. It’s laughs, tits, & blood. One girl defends her cult” It’s not murder, it’s dinner”. Vic farts a lot to add to the ambiance.

One sailor goes back and is caught. Carradine spouts a lot of Shakespeare quotes and seems to be enjoying all of this. The three vamps want the sailor for the night and we get a prolonged soft core sex romp while the sailor’s buddy tries to rescue him.

This plays out like a low budget Abbot & Costello movie. The sailor brings a bag of garlic & stakes, but can’t get the door to the crypt open. He leaves the bag and goes to get tools. Vic finds the bag and brings it to Carradine. “ Is it pizza? “ one of the girls asks. “ No it’s garlic “ Carradine roars and order the bag to be disposed of. John also bitches about mixing vodka with blood.

These two films are the perfect mix of laughs, blood, nudity, sex & horror. While the humor in Hookers was intentional, I’m sure the humor in Drac wasn’t. These transfers are the best I’ve seen with these films. Hookers is heads above those crappy VHS tapes put out by Comet, Continental, or whatever those ugly big box VHS tapes were. All in all, a great package, though I could have done without seeing Nachy’s fat , hairy ass in the sex scenes.

Brotherhood of Blood

2008-10-26T12:36:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2007 - Ghosthouse Underground with Victoria Pratt, Ken Foree, and Sid Haig.

Billed as a combination of Reservoir Dogs and The Usual Suspects with vampires, it falls flat on every level. Scenes shift back & forth from this day to that day to three days prior ect. If your going to tell a story, fuckin' tell it without all this confusing jumping around.

Borrowing liberally from the plot of The Usual Suspects, we have the ultimate vampire, ala Kaiser Sosee, a guy even the other vampires fear. Seems years ago, vampires & humans banded together to stop him, according to the head vampire , played by Sid Haig in ill fitting fangs. Now he is back.

In this film vampires can be killed by shooting them. Like I said, with all the jumping around, it’s hard to follow. Sid & Ken Foree seem to be there for name value as this box harkens back to the direct to VHS days when a “name” was put on the box just to sell it. No knock on Sid or Ken as this is just the way of the business. Truth be told, Sid or Ken should be given meatier roles as they can carry a whole film by themselves.

The “ending” leaves this wide open for a sequel. I’ll pass.

The Strangers

2008-10-19T12:52:00.000-07:00

Review by Matt

This film follows James (Scott Speedman) and Kristen (Liv Tyler), a couple returning from a friends wedding. They arrive at the house of James, where the mood is very tense after Kristen's decline of a wedding proposal by James. The record player is playing romantic music, rose pedals are trailed from the bed to the tub and bottles of wine are iced and ready for the drinking. The tension between the two could be cut with a knife.

After returning from a bath, Kristen and James sit at the kitchen table and have a small chat that somehow leads to an attempt at sex, then a knock at the door interrupts. A blonde girl hiding in the shadows asks for an unfamiliar name. After the girl leaves, James decides to go for a drive rather then pick up we're they left off. This is where the good stuff comes in.

Kristen, now alone, starts getting terrorized by the masked bunch with various mind games and door bangings. She does eventually get a hold of James for him to return, and once he does, it becomes a full out war.

I must say, I really enjoyed this flick. The masks are great looking and create a playful yet creepy vibe and the atmosphere this film has is reminiscent of John Carpenter's Halloween with the killers constantly lurking within the darkness. The best line by far is the response to Kristen asking, "why are you doing this to us?". The masked blonde girl replies, "because you were home." I love that! Everything the killers did showed no true reason for why they are tormenting this couple other than just for fun.

I did hear a couple of negative reviews before viewing this film and here's my take on them. Some people feel that this film ripped off the French movie 'Them' but I have to disagree. Yes, it is a little similar with a group of killers messing with a couple, but it was executed much differently. The second complaint I heard was with the ending. I won't say anything about it, but I had no complaints with it. In fact, I was worried throughout my watching of the entire movie because of these complaints, but luckily I still enjoyed it. All I can say is, look forward to part 2!

Overall, I would say this has been one of the best slasher films of the year. Definitely pick this one up when it hits stores October 21st.

A Game Of You: The "Slumber Party Slaughterhouse: The Game" World Premiere

2008-10-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

Review by Gray

It seems oddly fitting that it took the titillating tag-team of horror movies and pornography to attempt to create something altogether unique in the cult cinema world. While the two could have been content simply giving new meaning to the term "splatterfest," they have now come together into what could very well be the future of cinema: "Slumber Party Slaughterhouse: The Game."

…Actually, scratch that. "SPS" is not the future of cinema. Heck, it's probably not even the future of betamax. What it IS, however, is a goofy, gory showcase of the directorial talent being distributed independently by Halo 8. It is also, like its title suggests, not just a film, a game.

It also has boobs. Lots of 'em.

This in mind (as it often is for me), I arrived at SPS's world premiere at the Pioneer Theater in New York City. Our master of ceremonies for the evening came in the form of the affable and often outrageous Doug Sakmann, one of the directors of SPS as well as director of PUNK ROCK HOLOCAUST and, most recently, several porn horror parodies for the alt-porn website Burning Angel. Sakmann, having previously worked for the infamous Troma Entertainment, has actively attempted to position himself as heir to the trashy, the tasteless and the disgusting legacy of the company, equal parts Lloyd Kaufman, John Waters, and William Castle.

He was accompanied by a Burning Angel starlet who I confess I immediately recognized, but, sadly, not by name. This partnership featured heavily in the event, as the cast of the film features several Burning Angel starlets, including Joanna Angel herself, who had directed and written a segment of the film.

The film began with two trailers for Burning Angel productions, the goofy EVIL HEAD (an Evil Dead parody, complete with porno stud Tommy Pistol doing a rather canny ape of Bruce Campbell), and the bizarre, almost anti-erotic "Strip For Pain," an event where contestants are bought on stage and subjected to various physical tortures and are rewarded by female nudity. While I assume it could be argued for being anything from the next logical evolution of "Jackass," a form of female empowerment, or just good, old-fashioned S&M titillation, the short clip alone was enough to make even this jaded pleasure-fiend morally queasy.

After the previews, the film began. The sultry female voice-over informed us of the silly premise: Hapless geek Paul Tard (hee, "tard") has just recently graduated from air-conditioner repair school. His friends decide to throw him a graduation party, even going so far as to hire hookers as entertainment. However, when Paul's slutty ex-girlfriend decides SHE wants a hooker, Paul is uninvited to his own party. Paul, after an abortive attempt to jerk-off to Internet porn while in the tub, electrocutes himself. He is then visited by an angel and a devil, portrayed by two very sexy ladies, who try to convince him to forgive and take revenge upon his friends, respectively.

Here, the film stopped the screen froze on the question: "WHAT SHOULD PAUL DO?" Below it, the answers, "FORGIVE HIS FRIENDS" and "TAKE REVENGE." Sakmann hopped up, polling the audience as to what Paul should do. While the insolent punk in me felt inclined to goad Paul into forgiveness in open defiance of audience sentiment, I (like everyone else) opted to send Paul on a blood-soaked rampage. "Good," Sakmann declared, "otherwise this movie would be really short."

This first pause I found actually very charming. It reminded me of those "Choose Your Own Adventure Books" I'd read as a kid, and the "Choose The Scare" Goosebumps books I'd read as a mildly retarded adolescent. However, after this initial decision, the movie settled into a slightly modified routine: Paul and his demonic consort would spy on his friends cavorting with hookers. Paul, so as to be able to possess the hooker (played with naked aplomb by the BA girls) and murder his treacherous friends, would need to answer a horror movie trivia question, posed to the audience by Sakmann like the first question. The questions ran the gamut from general knowledge ("Who was the killer in Friday the 13^th Pt. 1?") to the tricky ("Which of these people protested 'Silent Night, Deadly Night' only to act in its sequel?").

After the questions were answered correctly by an audience member, the movie would resume and one of Paul's friends would die brutally by the hands of the hooker. Then, another question would be posed, answered, and this time, the hooker would be murdered by the possessed body of the friend. The process repeated several times, with each segment featuring new actors and directors, until the film reached its bloody conclusion with everyone dead while Paul and his demonic tormentor walked hand and hand into the night.

When I later asked Sakmann about why the film embraced a more linear narrative with the trivia versus the choose your own adventure model, he made clear the decision was motivated by time and cost efficiency.

"Literally, this movie is the fastest turnaround that I've ever seen of any movie… Matt [Pizzolo] from Halo 8 (the distributor for Punk Rock Holocaust 2 and Slumber Party Slaughterhouse) came to me with the concept a month and half, two months ago."

"We wanted to have it out for Halloween," Sakmann added, explaining the expedited schedule.

That said, to say the film accepts its limitations admirably would be a fair assessment. Shot cheaply with largely non-conventional actors, no budget, but plenty of fake blood and female nudity, the film could very easily have fallen into the tired territory of the sophomoric splatterfest, maligned by higher budget affairs distributed by Hollywood powerhouses who are currently glutting the market.

However, the directors, seemingly aware of this fact, have managed to make the most of the resources. The script, for the most part, is actually pretty funny and the acting quite adept. The comedic chemistry between Paul and his demonic consort provides excellent continuity glue. Particularly, the segment directed by Joanna Angel shines, as Angel plays off her sex-toy persona with just the right amount of tongue-in-cheek, off-the-wall humor, and outrageous violence.

And WHAT violence! Death by sodomy, disembowelments, gang-rape by an evil clown and giant chicken, as well as a rather unlucky girl who meets her end via sword-sex (this particular segment is made baffling by the editing: initially, she was the instigator of the act and appears to be enjoying relations with the katana blade. In fact things only appear to go wrong after her partner is possessed and begins to get a little overzealous with her thrusting. Which begs the question: is there such a thing as congenial, healthy swordplay?). All with blood-soaked special effects just cheesy enough to make me smile.

"Working at Troma for three-and-a-half years, you pick up things," said Sakmann of the aesthetic.

"[My boss at Troma] told me that, in my time at Troma, I'd done everything in their movies in real life, short of killing someone. So, instead of that, I decided to go out and push it even further and have fun with it."

Even with the Tromatic airs in mind, there are definite misses. The rushed schedule shows in the quality of the editing and the slapdash cinematography. It LOOKS like something completed in a month and a half. The film I saw also had an almost unbearable coda attached to it, a largely unrelated short directed by Ramzi Abed where five stoners sit around and bullshit until one of them has a hallucination in which he murders a mysterious dancing woman. Filmed in black and white with truly abysmal editing and scripting (the dialogue repeats word-for-word halfway through the short, as though the first 5 minutes had been a dress rehearsal), it felt like the bastard of Judd Apatow and David Lynch, only aborted in the third trimester.

Still, "Slumber Party Slaughterhouse: The Game," in spite of its rougher edges, is actually a novel and inventive concept. While it definitely strives for camp (as many low-budget horror films attempt to stretch the thinnest of resources/premise/talent), it also serves a dual purpose. Stated in the press release, the film is built on "audience participation," but less of the self-consciously art-y and socially transgressive kind of the Rocky Horror Picture Show and more of the "pub trivia-style" variety, which seems more appropriate given the audience. It's a thoroughly modern take on the gimmickry and audience manipulation of Roger Corman. And while it seems unlikely to have much lasting appeal given its slap-dash construction, the "interactive horror experience" is definitely a rich vein that, with perhaps more planning and increased exploration of the technology, could very easy give rise to a whole new breed of filmmakers and viewers.

Also, boobs.

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds

2008-10-14T14:09:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

Starring Jenny Wade, Clu Gulager, & Diane Ayala Goldner. Directed by John Gulager. From Dimension Extreme.

I did have high hopes for this as I really liked the first one. Now this is being billed as a new “classic” horror series. Someone better look up the definition of classic because this isn’t it. Two survivors from # 1, the Bartender & Honey Pie are now holding off the CG monsters in a small town with an all girl biker gang, two midget wrestlers, and some other disposable characters. This plays out like a video game and that seems to be it’s target audience.

Some of it is funny, most of it sucks, especially the “autopsy” scene were people puke, get slimed, and get jizzed on. Yeah, you read right, the dead monster’s Ron Jeremy like wazoo splooges all over the cast. I could read into something here, but I won’t . Other highlights are a baby getting eaten, a monster fucking a cat, Clu beating the shit out of Honey Pie for running off in the first film, a dissolving old lady, and more slimy, pukey, fluids than an Annie Sprinkle porn film. Obviously this film has an audience, but I’m not in it.

The Lost

2008-10-14T14:06:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008 - from Anchor Bay Starring Marc Senter, Shat Astar, Alex Frost, Dee Wallace Stone & Ed Lauter. Directed by Chris Siverson.

It was about time that someone made a movie out of a Jack Ketchum novel. Jack is perhaps one of the best horror writers out there, but has been overshadowed for many years. Lost is a twisted tale of a sociopath, Ray Pye, who terrorizes his small town. In the opening, Ray cold bloodedly kills two girls who are camping ( Misty Mundae & Ruby Laroca). One survives, but is brain dead. A detective( Michael Bowen) knows that Ray is guilty and is out to get him. Ray keeps his two companions in line with threats of violence.

Ketchum’s twisted tale of dead end, small town life is excellently done here. Rather than give up the ending, this is one that you have to see for yourself. Marc Senter gives a chilling performance as Ray Pye, a guy a lot of us knew during our high school years. These characters, in my life, always met the bad end we thought they would. This film captures the small town , dead end ambiance . All the performers are excellent and I hope to see more of Ketchum’s work translated into film. Let’s see who has the balls to do Off Season or Ladies Night.

Vipers

2008-10-14T13:59:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2007 - from Genius Entertainment with Tara Reed, Jonathan Scarfe & Corbin Bernsen. Directed by Bill Corcran.

Usually I stay far away from these Si Fi Channel films, but this one isn’t bad, even with the CG snakes. A bunch of genetically engineered vipers escape from a lab and wind up on an island in the Pacific Northwest. Not only are they venomous, but carnivorous as well. Several victims are eaten, bones and all.

Bernsen, who has played the mad scientist or corporate prick in a bunch of films lately, sends a team to rescue the population of the island. Of course he has a plan to destroy the place to cover up any wrong doing. Bet he misses those LA Law paychecks.

Inasmuch as I hate CG effects, these are pretty good and the gore will appease some of the most jaded gorehounds. Sometime with the made for the Sci Fi Channel stuff, you have to get the DVD as they still cut out language, nudity and extreme violence. Hint: rent it before you buy it.

100 Million BC

2008-10-14T13:53:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

2008 - Asylum Home Entertainment Starring Michael Gross, Greg Evigan, & Christopher Atkins. Directed by Louie Myman

Time travel epic with an elite team sent back in time to retrieve another team that was sent back in the 40’s . Premise is good, but the bad CG stuff kills it. Raptors attack and kill most of the rescue team. The T-Rex is red and Michael Gross looks pretty gross with his balding head covered with liver spots. Guess the budget didn’t allow for make up.

The 40’s women have 2000 style enhanced boobage, the CG stuff sucks and nobody noticed a bright red T-Rex roaming around LA at night. Christopher Atkins seems to be a fixture in these crappy films as of late.

Dexter - Season 3, Episode 2: “Finding Freebo”

2008-10-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

“Dexter” Season 3, Episode 2: “Finding Freebo”

Review by Alyson

Last week Dexter accidentally killed Oscar Prado, brother of Miguel Prado (Jimmy Smits!) while trying to kill murderous drug dealer, Freebo. Freebo is now the prime suspect in the case and is being hunted by Miami Metro and Dexter. Freebo has seen Dexter and our favorite serial killer must catch him before the police.

Rita is desperately trying to get dear Daddy Dexter to talk to her about their future child. Dexter is distracted by the thoughts of spawning what could turn into a little monster like him.

Miguel Prado, knowing that Dexter has an interest in his brother’s murder starts to bond with him. So, when Prado finds Dexter leaving a garage after killing Freebo, he quickly decides that Dexter avenged his brother’s death. Dexter told him it was self defense after he followed a forensics lead. They now share a secret no one can find out about.

This episode penned by Melissa Rosenberg (how happy I am that both “Dexter” and the “Twilight” feature are in good hands), doesn’t disappoint on the foul language front. There’s even a frat party with lots of “ho” dialogue, including “ho-pad,” my new favorite term.

Every time there is a sensitive scene between former lovers Prado and Laguerta there is acoustic Spanish guitar in the background and that’s starting to be the element I notice most in those scenes.

I am ready for everything to start unfolding in the next few episodes.

Dexter - Season 3, Episode 1: “Our Father”

2008-10-04T06:38:00.000-07:00

Review by Alyson

Dear, deadly Dexter is back to delight the dark passenger that dwells inside us all. Dexter’s first target this season is a drug dealer that has killed two girls. After buying some product from the dealer and scoping out his lair, Dexter shows up to do the deed only to find another man is holding a knife to the dealer. Dexter gets into a rumble with the man with the knife, kills him and runs away.

It turns out the man who was killed worked with a youth organization and was brother to prosecutor Miguel Prado. Prado is played by the only man that could follow a Carradine: Jimmy Smits! While under suspicion of Prado, Dexter must help piece together the murder.

Deb got a haircut and is dying to get her detective shield, while my buddy Angel is promoted to Sergeant. Internal Affairs is trying to get Deb to find some info on a new officer she works with and is bribing her with a detective’s shield.

Rita and the kids are happy and content; Rita is glowing and is in what seems to be constant post-coital bliss. She realizes that she must be pregnant! Bring on Daddy Dexter!

Michael C. Hall, like always, is more than you could hope for from the literary Dexter Morgan character.

I’m wondering what is going to make up for the lack of Doakes. Is Jimmy Smits enough? And Deb is trying to be more professional this season, so I am really not going to get my fill of hilarious swearing.

Every single shot in frame is stunning and the music is great, as always.

Our favorite monster is turning more and more into a man. Are we ready for that?

True Blood - Episode 4: "Escape from Dragon House"

2008-10-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Review by Alyson

I'm getting really into the "True Blood" theme Suburban Vampire by country singer Jace Everett – what a good way to start a show. Check it out if you aren't watching.

This week one of the girls that works at the bar is found dead, and of course with vampire bite marks since she was a fang banger. Jason is suspected of her death since he slept with her right before her demise, but he's innocent. On his way to the sheriff's station Jason drinks the entire vile of vampire blood he has which leaves him with an erection that warrants an emergency room visit.

Sookie has Bill take her to the local vampire bar "Fangtasia" (vampires love puns!) to find information about the recently slain girls.

And finally, Sam lets himself into the dead girl's apartment and while wearing rubber gloves, rolls around in her sheets sniffing them.

Things just keep getting weirder.

Jason isn't a vampire yet, but I'm still betting on him being changed very soon. I also suspect that my favorite, Bill isn't going to be around for long. I'd like to see what "True Blood" will do then to keep my attention.

There was an instance of super fast vampire running in this episode and it was kind of weird looking since you couldn't see their feet. It looked like floating, but if you could see the effect on the feet it would have probably been really cheesy looking.

There was also a very short, gory, bathroom feeding sequence that was badass.

I'd like to do a retrospective episode rating system. On a scale of 1-5: Episode 1 = 4, Episode 2 = 3, Episode 3 = 4.5, and now I'll give Episode 4 a 4 out of 5. Check back next week to see if Episode 5 can get a 5, I hope so.

True Blood - Episode 3: Mine

2008-09-22T18:37:00.000-07:00

Review by Alyson

Okay, the annoying vampire coven that was introduced last week on "True Blood" is bothering me less. There is one who is a Southern gay vampire with a soul patch, a sassy Chaka Khan-esque vamp and a bald, tribal tattooed dude that wiggles his tongue all the time - and that one just makes me feel icky. These vampires are the ones that Bill says are evil vampires. They don't totally agree that vampires should have gone public and they just want to keep making ghouls and feeding on humans.

This "nest" of vampires show up at Bill's unannounced and he has to make sure they know that Sookie is his and that they cannot try to feed on her. Sookie leaves the house upset by the visiting vamps and tries to stay away from Bill. Virginal Sookie is feeling bad about using Bill as masturbatory fodder and doesn't trust herself around him, but Bill is still trying to court her.

Sookie's best friend Tara gets beat by her bible thumpin' drunken mama and convinces her boss (who remember, is in love with Sookie) Sam to sleep with her to alleviate their mutual loneliness.

Jason begins to have erectile dysfunction as he thinks of his girlfriend's previous vampire sex, so he visits Lafayette (Tara's super flamboyant, gold pants-wearing,-short order cook, drug dealing, gigolo cousin) to obtain Viagra, but Lafayette hooks him up with vampire blood instead.

As the characters grow on you, "True Blood" gets better. I had a hard time figuring out how to feel about Sookie at the beginning. She's so naïve and sweet, but short and fierce with people as well. At first I thought the way her character was written wasn't working, but now she's really a multi-faceted likeable character. Bill I loved from the first moment he was on screen, but he's a well-mannered hot vampire that wears his jeans well, so what's not to like? Every scene with Lafayette is just delightful.

Now that I care about the characters I'm getting excited for the future episodes, but it usually takes the first few to get into that zone. Also, I usually watch shows on DVD, so I don't have the chance to think about the one episode all week – I'll just blast through a season in a weekend typically.

I do not like Jason's character. He's too high strung, annoying, and extremely anti-vampire. It's obvious he's going to become one of the vampires. I wonder if overdosing on V-Juice can change him into one.

"True Blood" has its campy moments, but I guess that's how vampire TV shows must go. I'm a novice in vamp TV, though. I never watched "Buffy" or "Angel" or even "Kindred: the Embraced" for that matter. I am well versed in vampire film and literature, however, and "True Blood" is reserving its spot in my personal vampire realm.

True Blood - Episode 2: The First Taste

2008-09-16T12:42:00.000-07:00

Review by Alyson

The First Taste is an episode mostly devoted to character development; less plot unfolds than in the first episode of "True Blood."

Last week we left Sookie as she was under attack. The couple she had stopped from stealing Bill the vampire's blood came to get even. This time Bill saves Sookie's life, and as she's dying on the ground Bill feeds her his blood to heal her.

Sookie gains heightened senses and libido from Bill's blood and a sort of bond forms. Bill can now tell where Sookie is when they're apart. The blood, however, doesn't transform Sookie into a vampire.

Sookie's brother Jason continuously has crazy sex with women that have fang marks on their bodies. On the bright side, Jason finds out that he hasn't committed the murder he was suspect of.

Bill agrees to speak to Sookie's grandmother's Civil War history group and soon after Sookie makes a move on the vampire.

Social commentary regarding the war, immigrants and gay rights are prevalent at this point in "True Blood." There is also some blatant symbolism (e.g. a small innocent blonde girl napping in front of a black wolf in a painting) going on, and that always gives me a strange feeling. I'd prefer it to be subtle.

When the vampire fangs come out in the show, they snap down like a pop-up switchblade. Fang transformations are one of the things I look for and this isn't my favorite method.

Some new vampires are introduced toward the end of The First Taste. One, in particular, is kind of obnoxious. In a world where vampires are real, they can't all be stoic, brooding beauties I suppose.

So far, "True Blood" is good, but considering how amazing "Six Feet Under" was, I'm anxious to see what is going to unfold. Every TV show HBO develops turns to gold and no doubt some wonderful things are waiting to happen in "True Blood."

True Blood - Episode 1: Strange Love

2008-09-08T12:09:00.000-07:00

Review by Alyson

So, a vampire walks into a bar – no joke – and that scene is what's going to make me tune into next week's episode of True Blood on HBO. The first episode of True Blood was written and directed by Alan (Six Feet Under) Ball and follows Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) a mind reading, Jesus-loving waitress in Louisiana. True Blood is set in a world where vampires are real and have interest groups that are trying to get a Vampire Rights Amendment passed. The Japanese have created a synthetic blood that vamps are able to order up in bars, making them somewhat less of a threat to mortals. Meanwhile, humans seek out V Juice (vampire blood) to drink as it makes them feel healthier and it improves their sex lives. Bill, a handsome new vampire in town (the town's first vampire, to be precise) is already in Sookie's debt because she saved him from a bloodletting that two local drug dealers were performing. The immediate charisma between Bill and Sookie is everything a vampire fan could hope for. Sookie's brother Jason (who is suspected of the murder of a "Fang Banger" a.k.a person who seeks out vampire sex), best friend Tara (the loud mouth tough girl that can't hold down a job) and boss Sam (who is in love with Sookie) all disapprove of her fascination with Bill. And Sookie soon finds herself in trouble. Like Six Feet Under, True Blood used a dream sequence to further the plot and I'm sure there will be more to come in future episodes. There are clever jump shots used and the saturation of the colors is beautiful. HBO original series easily leave the viewer wanting more, and True Blood's debut episode doesn't just make you think the series has the potential of being good, I'm already anticipating next Sunday. Check back next week for a review of episode two.

Witches' Night

2008-08-24T14:35:00.000-07:00

Review by Matt

After being left at the alter at his Halloween weekend wedding, Jim's friends decide to take him on a camping trip to get away from reality for a bit. Booze, canoes and an unplanned meeting of four hot women seem to be doing the trick...at first. When the guys realize that these women aren't all that they seem, things start going very wrong.

I did really enjoy this film. It had a classic 70's horror feel to it and brought a few things back that aren't seen in mainstream horror these days: a good story and character development. There isn't tons of gore, but the suspense of what will happen next kept my interest through out the entire film. I would highly recommend picking up the special edition DVD with bonus features including 2 special making of Witches' Night featurettes, deleted scenes and a 'catching up with Evil Dead's Betsy Baker' interview. Visit www.witchesnight.com for more information.

The Forest

2008-08-24T14:26:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

1983, Directed by Don Jones, Starring Dean Russell, Gary Kent, Stafford Morgan, and Corky Pigeon. Released by Code Red.

Now here's an interesting no budgeter that actually ran on the grindhouse circuit before they all bit the dust. In fact, you can see the wear on the print as its starts and as the reels run out. Not that this is a bad thing, it's shows what wear & tear these films suffered as prints were shuffled from place to place.

I had never seen this film in a grindhouse. I asked an old movie going buddy of mine if he had come across it. He said it did wind up on the bottom half of a double bill. He said the audience crapped all over it, but it was the kind of film you had to talk back to. He also said that nobody actually got up and walked out on it.

After seeing it last night, I'd have to agree. After opening with a knife in the guts and a throat slashing, it bogs down for a while, then picks up steam. Two couples decide to go camping. Of course the guys car breaks down and their wives get there first. Camping by the river, the women are shaken up by the ghosts of two children. They are the dead offspring of a cannibalistic madman who killed his cheating wife and is now living in the deep woods.

The children actually point out to the killer where the two women are. The killer( Gary Kent in a pair of ripped jeans, a torn T-shirt and a baseball cap) confronts one of the women and brutally kills her, stabbing her repeatedly in the back as she crawls away. Guess the guys who did Chaos saw this scene as it looks like it was copied almost verbatim for that film.

This film has some real inappropriate music. When things should be subdued, there is a driving ,late 70's type rock score. The two husbands, when lost in the forest, bicker back & forth like they are married to each other rather than the women. This your standard ,no budget stalk & slash film. It's an 80's time capsule that has to be seen to be appreciated. You could never get something like this released today. Some of it's lame while a lot of it is really twisted. In one scene the two guys take shelter with the killer and are fed one guys wife. When asked what kind of meat it is, the killer replies "it was a doe".
Extras include audio commentary by director ,Don Jones and the cast & crew reminiscing about how much fun they had doing the film.

St. Ives

2008-08-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

Review by 42nd Street Pete

1976, Directed by J. Lee Thompson. Starring Charles Bronson, John Houseman, Jacqueline Bisset, & Harry Guardino Released by Warner Brothers

Charles Bronson was the action star of the 70's. After Death Wish, anything with Bronson was a guaranteed seller. This one, however was a departure from the ass kicking CB. Here he played ex crime reporter Raymond St Ives, a guy with a taste for gambling and misadventure. He is drawn into a web of mystery by John Houseman, who retains his services as a go in between to get back some documents that were stolen. This gets a price put on St Ives's head.

This is a great mystery thriller that harkens back to the days of The Maltese Falcon. John Houseman steals the show as Oliver Procane, a sinister criminal who's plans for a heist are stolen. Plenty of twists & turns in this one. Look for a young Robert Englund & Jeff Goldblum as a couple of hired thugs.

Rogue

2008-08-24T12:16:00.000-07:00

Review by Ray

When I pressed play to watch Dimension Extreme's latest Croc Gone Wild film, the first thing I noticed was the cinematography. This was the most lush footage I've seen in quite a while, and it made me want to go on a river tour of Australia myself.

As time went on we were introduced to our key players, and I have to say they took the time to develop the characters enough to establish who you wanted eaten and who you didn't, maybe too much time. It was about 35 minutes until we got into any real action. I think this may be a little too long for the average horror fan to take.

Once we got into it and were ready for more, it slowed again. The Croc effects were awesome but I would have like to see more. The acting was above what I was expecting but overshadowed what I was actually wanting to see. A big ass crocodile ravaging tourists to the point of oblivion.

If this was the Unrated version, I'm glad I saw this first. The film had it's high tension moments but if your expecting a fast paced, high action blood fest you may want to go straight for Lake Placid.

13 Hours In A Warehouse

2008-08-24T11:31:00.001-07:00

Review by Alyson
Five professional art thieves, one hostage, three ghosts and 13 hours in a warehouse make for a genuinely creepy horror heist film. Writer and director Da-v Kaufman marks his feature length debut with an original and captivating spin.

13 Hours in a Warehouse takes place almost entirely in an abandoned warehouse after a successful art heist. The thieves must wait overnight for their buyer to make the exchange. A hostage was collected after they needed to utilize her car for the getaway and is locked up in a separate room while the guys wait and banter. The warehouse was thought to be formerly the location of porno film shoots, while the actual history is more macabre.

The hostage is bound and gagged when an apparition of a large woman with a plastic bag over her head frees her and whispers a numeric code to her. The specter also tells her that the ghosts are not there for her. The narrative then unfolds with hints and clues and an ambiance reminiscent of a Silent Hill game.

13 Hours in a Warehouse was created and executed by Minnesota locals and really illustrates the talent that prevails in the state. Kaufman’s screenplay gives a creepy thriller an engrossing plot that is flushed out with natural dialogue. The thieves’ performances are quite realistic. The cinematography by DP Adam Olson is beautiful and each frame is an image that can stand on its own.

The fantastic makeup special effects by Christ Ballas give the ghosts a classic, good old days of horror feel – back when one didn’t rely only on CGI – but the ghosts have a current feel as well. There is a static effect to the apparitions that is somewhere between a Star Wars hologram image and J-horror technology ghosts.

While there is plenty of kills and blood in 13 Hours in a Warehouse for gore fans, the scares are presented in a subtle, truly eerie way. A way a lot of fans have been craving in these recent days of torture porn, poorly executed big-budget film and splatter flicks with lacking plotlines.

13 Hours in a Warehouse will be released on October 28th by Maverick Entertainment. Check back with SCARS for an interview with Da-v Kaufman. He’s sure to be a name you’ll hear more of in the genre.

Film Brawl

2008-08-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

Review by J.C. Walsh

"Film Brawl: The Guide To Geek Cinema" by Brian Harris & Annie Riordan is a brilliant handbook of over four hundred pages jammed pack with reviews that are in alphabetical order, short, honest and right to the point. The sarcasm and humor make it a real enjoyable read. I actually found myself queing movies from my blockbuster account as I was reading the book. This impressive guide of what to see and not to see has every genre from classic horror, modern horror, B movies, sci-fi, action and much more. Get in the ring movie buffs, it’s time to Film Brawl!

Dark Delicacies II:Fear

2008-08-24T10:47:00.000-07:00

Review by J. Travis Grundon

The follow up to the Stoker Award winning Dark Delicacies anthology, the second offering boast another roster that reads like a who's who of 21^st century horror. Co-owner of the first and only store dedicated strictly to horror and co-editor, Del Howison, has pulled strings and tapped contacts to bring together group of the world's best horror writers. This cast includes masters of horror ranging from Peter Atkins and Max Brooks to L. A. Banks and Steve Niles.

This book begins with a powerful foreword by none other that Ray Harryhausen, The act of Creation, that sets the mood for this chilling anthology. With over 17 tales that will make your blood run cold, you will be afraid to put this one down. From Max Brooks' walking dead to Steve Niles' gut collecting abomination this book is guaranteed to include a tale that taps the fear of any horror fan.

The only down side to it all is that once you've finished this book and you are sitting there alone in the dark to horrified to move, your brain will still crave more “Dark Delicacies.” You will will remember these stories every night as you lie awake and wonder if and when the third installment will be released. I wish I could tell you that, but for now you'll have to live with words of Franklin D. Roosevelt said and the lesson Dark Delicacies II will teach us. “We have nothing to fear, but fear itself!”

If this doesn't satisfy your taste for terror you can check out Dark Delicacies on the web at http://www.darkdel.com/ or http://www.myspace.com/dark_delicacies. and if you are in the California area head over to the Dark Delicacies store at 4213 W. Burbank, Burbank, CA. 91505 .

Criminal Macabre: The Complete Cal McDonald Stories

2008-08-24T10:40:00.000-07:00

Review by J. Travis Grundon

For the first time ever in one volume Dark Horse Books has collected Steve Niles' entire Cal McDonald series in Criminal Macabre. This collection includes, the out of print Savage Membrane, Guns-Drugs and Monsters and Dial M for Monster all for the modest price of $12.95. In Addition to these three books, Criminal Macabre includes “All My Bloody Things”, originally only found in the first Dark Delicacies anthology.

While Niles is most recognized for his ground breaking 30 Days of Night, his Cal McDonald stuff is not to be overlooked. Die hard Niles fans can see that he puts a lot of himself into this character including his smart-ass sense of humor. McDonald is a throwback to the noir days with a modern supernatural twist. As a P.I., Cal Macdonald is a force to reckon with in the tradition of Raymond Chandler's Philip Marlowe and Mickey Spillane's Mike Hammer if they were tossed into the world of magic, madmen, and monsters.

Together a pill popping McDonald and his ghoulish parter Mo'locke go head to head with everything from alien zombies to backwards redneck cannibals in a book that is nearly impossible to put down. With its ability to keep you guessing and sharp wit, Criminal Macabre will entertain you in ways you won't even expect. Over all this book is an amazing read from cover to cover.

For more information on Cal McDonald or Steve Niles, you can find them both on MySpace at http://www.myspace.com/criminalmacabre or http://www.myspace.com/steveniles. You can also find out more by visiting steveniles.com. So, what are you are you waiting for? Believe me you don't Cal to have to ask you the second time!

The Mammoth Book of Monsters

2008-08-24T10:19:00.000-07:00

Review by J. Travis Grundon

For years people have marveled at monsters and loved countless classic creatures. They know our nightmares and dwell in the dark corners of our minds. Now multiple award winning editor Stephen Jones has collected all the greats and more into one book, appropriately titled, The Mammoth Book of Monsters.

Like the previous Mammoth books, the Mammoth Book of Monsters this monstrous anthology assembles twenty-two stories. rom the horror legends like Robert E. Howard and Clive Barker to great authors like Ramsey Campbell and. Some of these stories have been seen elsewhere but most are originals, featuring all types of monsters, including old favorites and new nightmares.

R Chetwynd-Hayes combines horror and humor to provide "The Shadmock," while in Ramsey Campbell's "Down Under" monsters lurk in an office buildings basement. The philosophical thriller"The Medusa", by Thomas Ligotti is a masterful piece of horror, focusing on man obsessed with the myth of the Medusa and all the terror surrounding it. In Scott Edelman's "The Man He Had Been Before" is post apocalyptic tale of world overrun with zombies, through the eyes of a teenager.

Are you ready to enter the world of monsters?

"Downmarket" by Sidney J. Bounds is a terrifying tale about an odd monster demanding human sacrifices and Robert E. Howard's "The Horror from the Mound" a classy, charming variation on the subject of vampirism.

By contrast, Brian Lumley's "The Thin People" constitutes a fine example of subtle horror fiction featuring unfathomable alien creatures who love privacy and hate cars.

Tanith Lee provides a new story, the outstanding, creepy "The Hill," possibly the best piece in the book, telling in a solid, fascinating narrative style how the house of a missing scientist becomes the center of a series of sinister events.

Basil Copper ("The Flabby Men") and Robert Holdstock ("The Silvering") contribute stories with a strong SF taste depicting alien creatures either malevolent and deadly or ready to love and be loved.

In the superb "Someone Else's Problem," written by Michael Marshall Smith in his usual extraordinary style, inexplicable, monkey-like monsters haunt a train running from London to Cambridge.

"Rawhead Rex" is vintage Clive Barker, one of his most scary creations, a memorable, ageless, ever hungry monster.